What Makes You Do The Ugly Cry?

A friend and I were talking about getting weepy over poignant movies or newscasts. I was surprised to discover it’s a shared trait. From outward appearances it is highly unlikely anyone would suspect me of becoming verklempt on occasion.

I can shrug off the nostalgic holiday television commercials that feature a son slipping into the house on Christmas morning and surprising the family when they smell the coffee brewing. I’ve hardened myself to the extent I can watch the last episode of “Mash”. My throat starts to ache when the evening news features all the animals in the shelter that need a home and I leave the room.

I have not discovered a way to control the ugly cry. It is such a horrific experience I try to avoid any situation that will make me vulnerable to an attack.

For the uninformed, the ugly cry is when your face contorts to resemble a cabbage patch doll. Your eyes turn as red as a vampire. Your nose glows in the dark and Kimberley Clark does not make a tissue strong enough to capture the runoff. The sound begins as a quiver in your throat that is painful and crescendos into an out and out bawl resembling the neighbor’s cat in heat.

You are helpless to prevent the ugly cry; it takes on a life of its own. The ugly cry strikes at the most inopportune times, always in public, usually at a movie. The last time I had an ugly cry was during the movie “The Color Purple”. It was brutal and I had to wipe tears many times. But when the sisters Celie and Nettie reunited after years of separation, I lost it. My chin began to quiver and I knew an ugly cry was lurking and waiting to spring forth. It did and we did not make an exit until the theater was completely empty.

No one wants to do the ugly cry except in the privacy of one’s home.

My friend refuses to risk the ugly cry in public. She will not go to the movies unless it is a comedy. She is smart.

Mary Margaret has a very different approach.

Texan of the Year

I pondered who to nominate for the local newspaper’s Texan of the Year. “A Texan (or Texans) who has had uncommon impact, either positive or negative, over the past year.” Several politicians have provided ample material, but I believe hands down, Louie Gohmert had the most negative impact on our image over the past year.Louie

Some people obviously love Louie as he survived the 2014 midterm elections garnering 71% of the vote. He has been a U.S. House member since 2005. Prior to his election to serve in Congress, Louie served three terms as District Judge in Smith County, Texas. During his tenure on the bench, he gained national and international attention for some of his innovative rulings. Later Governor Rick Perry appointed him to complete a term as Chief Justice of the 12th Court of Appeals.

Louie serves on numerous House committees and subcommittees. Due to his extensive knowledge stemming from years in the courtroom, Louie was recently named Vice Chair of the Judiciary subcommittee on Crime, Terrorism and Homeland Security.

No person in the history of Texas, with the exception of Clayton Williams and Rick Perry, has done more to promote a negative perception of Texans.

Louie on grammar: In a reference to then Attorney General Holder, stated Holder cast “aspersions on my asparagus.”

Louie on diversity in the workplace: When asked where he stands on the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), the legislation that would bar workplace discrimination toward sexual orientation or gender identity: “Who wants to go talking about sexual orientation when they’re working?”

Louie on history: “The Greeks, Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same sex and would give them massages before they went into battle.”

Louie has provided a wealth of material for stand up comedians and late night talk show hosts.

Even Stephen Colbert admitted he cannot compete with Louie. “People have said to me, Stephen, you’ve got to understand, you don’t even know your history. You’re dumb. You’re dense. You’re a mental midget with the IQ of a butter dish whose mind is a black hole that sucks all surrounding thought into it in an infinite singularity of sheer stupidity. I’m surprised you can even dress yourself. I bet you have to rub peanut butter inside your lips to remember to open your mouth to breath. I have never met, and I hope to never meet again a man so pervasively, astoundingly unyieldingly ignorant. To which I say, well then, you haven’t met Louie Gohmert.”

It’s not every day a Texan receives this kind of endorsement from a nationally syndicated television personality. Some of us could do without the endorsement.

 

What’s the time change got to do with Burros?

Checking around the web to see how others feel about the time change back to standard time, I discovered an article at the Las Vegas Review about burros and horses being confused about the time change. Seems they wander too close to the highway and their eyes don’t reflect light thus making them vulnerable to collisions with cars. Believing that to be an unusual consequence of the time change, I read the comments.

An online commenter stated the concept of wanting to protect burros and horses is part of the liberal agenda. Reading further confirmed my belief that a two legged jackass posted the comment. “Hope your grandkids – or are you gay, in which case it may not matter to you as much – enjoy their bankrupt country which will have to duke it out between Latino and Muslim cultures. I think it will get truly nasty, and that Obama knows the demographics and is trying to give his fellow Muslims the advantage they will need.”

I always find it interesting that folks who can’t spell cannot resist posting online comments and more often than not, those folks don’t like Obama. The article’s commenters offered no solution. How many people in Las Vegas are out dodging burros and horses anyway? The comments were clearly an example of what happens in Vegas, should stay in Vegas.

Moving on to other resources I concluded most people don’t believe time changes in the spring make sense.

Falling back is an easier adjustment, maybe because the hibernation factor sets in, along with the inclination to binge watch Netflix and indulge in bad carbs.

Spring forward is a misnomer and for many it’s more like a lurch forward. School kids have to wait at dark thirty for the bus. (There does not appear to be a high level of concern for school children in Las Vegas, only the burros).

I used to love daylight savings time, but I’ve changed my mind. The days are longer in the summer anyway, so why bother. Considering the heat in Texas why does it make sense to have longer days?

I welcome comments but only from people who know how to spell. In the meantime Mary Margaret has plenty to say about daylight savings time.