in Satire

An Open Letter to a Jackass

The Jackass

Dear Jackass:

You thought no one saw you as you walked your dog without its leash violating city and homeowner association codes.

When you took a green poop bag from the dispenser, did you believe it relieved you from  PICKING UP the poo?

You forgot to whistle as you casually scoped the area to see if anyone saw you when you stuffed  the unused poop bag into the farthest reaches of your cargo shorts.

Striding forth, confident in your ability to deceive, you were positive no one saw your dog making deposits all over the common areas of our neighborhood. The dog’s stance indicated it was not eliminating liquid waste.

You had no concern for the  curly-haired tot who followed shortly behind you and the remnants of your pooch.

Toddlers can overly excite animals. What would you do if your unleashed dog decided to attack? Would you have relinquished the beverage that you were  guzzling in time to save her from harm?

At neighborhood association meetings, you steamroll other members citing your overblown security fears. You have a self-absorbed sense of entitlement that is patently offensive.

Lastly,

Do you believe none of your neighbors has the technical savvy to record and post a video of you and your pooch online?

Well, maybe not this time……….

I wouldn’t have to post your name and doggie DNA is unnecessary.

The entire neighborhood recognizes your worn out topsiders and tacky, white shirt with the black palm trees on the back.