in Politics

Birds, Squirrels and Politicians

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You Know Who

Whoever came up with the term “bird brain” was way off target.

When we decided to feed the birds this past winter, we had no idea a squirrel would attempt to dominate the food supply. We named him “Ted” (as in Cruz), not very original, but apt.

Humans don’t have a monopoly on self-serving, but the birds handle it more effectively and with greater dispatch than we humans do.

The cardinals obviously consider themselves the upper one percent. They watch for the seed refill and then swoop in to scoop up the choice bits first. They must contribute heavily to Ted’s squirrel PAC since he allows them unlimited feeding at the trough. They never show up when Ted is working the feeder; guess they are ashamed to be seen in public with him. It’s fairly obvious they have a back room deal with him to keep the other birds at bay.

On a couple of occasions, Ted has failed to show proper respect to his donors and the cardinals gave him a sharp peck or two as a reminder.They don’t like it when Ted fails to act on important missions, such as keeping the sparrows away and disappears for extended periods of time.

The most gracious of our recipients are the morning doves. They wait for others to finish and don’t take more than their share.

The sparrows are diligent workers. There are many of them and they work very hard to build nests, take care of their family and keep the bugs away from the plants. They are the hard working middle class of the bird species.

Ted gets agitated when the sparrows visit the feeder. They do not contribute to his PAC and he chases them away. One or two feisty little sparrows attempted to confront Ted, but he hijacked the feeder and refused to budge.

The sparrows met in a closed-door session and developed a plan. One by one, the sparrows gathered on the patio fence in battle formation. As Ted planted his fat bushy ass squarely in the middle of the feeder, the sparrows united in a strike force initiative and took turns nipping at him.

Ted was last seen scurrying across the rooftop and there is peaceful co-existence at the bird feeder.

Maybe we need more sparrows in congress and fewer squirrels.

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