in Satire

Homely Ancestors Have Ugly Names

Looking through old photographs of some of my ancestors in the 1800’s  was enlightening.  I discovered  many who were  challenged in the beauty department. Some were downright scary.

Further inspection confirmed  the lovelies had charming names like Lily and Marguerite. The unattractive women got a double whammy. It was almost as if someone knew their child was going to be homely and selected a name to match. As one might expect the women fared far worse than the men.

Imagine saddling a handle like Altana Cordelia on a wee tyke. No wonder she looked cross.

Poor Bernice appeared as though she spent most of her time in her room reading and writing bad poems.

I’d bet the rent that Effie never received a valentine.

I’m guessing our Matilda’s dance card was missing more than a few waltzes.

Melvina’s birthday photo indicated she was having fun feeding the family’s chickens and geese.

My family tree has no famous people perched on the branches, but I wonder if my ancestor Keziah, was the inspiration for “always a bridesmaid but never a bride.woman-986491_640 (2)

Erie’s  parents  selected an appropriate name. Had she lived in this century, she could have starred in “Children of the Corn”.

Most of the men had common names, except for these guys:

There’s a good chance Valentine  was never anyone’s.

Bunk defies description. Did his parents have an early sign he would be full of it? Rumor has it he lived up to his name. On the flip side, his name can serve as a noun or verb.

The name Ozias is straight out of the Old Testament. Judging from his photo, I’d say our Ozias  would feel more at home in the book of Revelation.

Then there is poor Lutie Gene. His photo does merit some degree of notoriety as it resembles Nick Nolte’s mug shot.

I put away the photo album with a new mission in mind. All my photos are destined for the shredder.