in Satire

I Gave a Driver a Middle Finger Salute

I knew it was crude, rude and WRONG, but I did it anyway. I gave the other driver a middle finger salute.

It all started when I dropped off a friend at the library. I paused in the left-hand turn lane, waiting for either the oncoming traffic to subside or the arrow to turn green. Neither was happening quickly enough for the driver behind me.  The youngish women in the Volvo convertible leaned down on the horn, and as I looked in the rear view mirror, she gave me the hands up shrug, a major eye roll and pushing sign. She assumed I am blind and hearing impaired.

I drive a Honda. By external appearances, I appear to be and, in fact, am, someone’s granny. Dwelling in a demographic group that is pigeon-holed as no longer prime, I’ve become accustomed to faces registering apathy. I don’t mind the checkers at the supermarket assuming I arrived in the van  with the group from the retirement center, but I draw the line at another driver browbeating me into making an unsafe driving decision.

At that moment, I came to understand road rage. I really wanted to get out of my car and bitch slap her stupid, but instead I did something stupid and flipped the bird.

The light changed, I turned and pulled into the library parking lot and wouldn’t you just know it…..she did too. Then a strange thing happened, she completely disappeared. She must have morphed into a puff of smoke and wafted into the library. I didn’t plan to confront her, but I wasn’t above giving her a Lady Violet stare down. She totally vanished, probably cowered behind the trashy novels.

The obvious question is what I would have done, had the rude driver behind me been driving a behemoth pick up truck, Hummer or an Escalade with dark tinted windows.

I think if I’m honest with myself I have to conclude I’d have done nothing, which is what I’ll do next time.