Recently, when someone offered an over the top, unsolicited opinion, I found myself retort challenged.Gawking back in incredulous amazement was no match for this know-it-all.
I had depleted my list of snarky comebacks to those who make inappropriate statements, demands or ask questions I do not intend to answer.
The passive/aggressive southern “bless your heart”, publicized to the extent that even the newest Yankee knows you are calling him/her a dumbass, is a weak response to the over-the-top stupid.
The phrase is trite and there is a drawback to its usage. Those for whom the phrase is entirely appropriate can mistakenly believe you are sympathizing with them and blather on, leaving you with no quick means of escape.
I began my quest for effective responses to tyrants, malcontents, and buffoons.
My research uncovered some new uses for “Wow” and “Okay”
For instance, “wow” is the new no-fault response for rude comments while “okay” is reserved for stupid ones.
The beauty of “wow” is it’s unexpected.
The surprise factor deprives a know-it-all of any opportunity to recover quickly. As they struggle to decode your response, you can escape.
“Wow” is an effective stall tactic when asked to accommodate a request you have no intention of granting. The person asking may come up with his or her own solution.
The use of “okay” as a response to stupid comments is a bit tricky and requires some navigation.
“Okay” should be spoken “okaaaay” accompanied by a look of resolute nothingness.
The caveat for “okay” is to reserve its use as a non-offensive means to halt idiotic comments. The downside of using this tactic is some may mistake “okay” as an indication you are in agreement.
Should this occur you are trapped in the equivalent of verbal hell.
Your only recourse at this point is to respond “Wow, okay, bless your heart”, and run.
I named my eccentricity Mary Margaret. She sometimes appears
as a guest blogger. I am not responsible for what she writes. I have no idea where she lives.
I live in Dallas with a supportive husband who likes me, and an indifferent cat who does not.