in Satire

Nuts

I believe the ultimate indicator of strength of character lies with mixed nuts. I am talking about the kind that come in a can, bulk bin or jar.

The minute we get our nuts home I sift the cashews, filberts, pecans and brazils. When my beloved dips into the nut canister … voila’, peanuts! He

rants and raves; declares our nut purchase a rip off, loaded with lowly peanuts and a smattering of the choice selections. He believes I am an honorable

person. I don’t have the courage to tell him that I make off with the good stuff.

I don’t believe it is a major character flaw to pilfer the premium nuts. My spouse swears peanut butter is the one

perfect food, so the way I figure it, I’m taking care of his health.

Secretory treats, require highly developed skills utilized by mothers for generations. My mom resorted to hiding the chocolate chips in the freezer

believing we would never touch anything that lived next to frozen vegetables. She was wrong. My sister can smell chocolate through a glacier.
My sister in law, years ago, confessed to me that she would sneak Heath bars in the closet when her kids were small. The way we figured it, she was

saving their teeth and a huge dental bill. And with four kids, she deserved the extra energy, not to mention the ahhh moment. Yet another example of the

sacrifices mother’s make.

When my kids were small my guilty pleasure, was ripe olives. I would die for my children, but when it comes to sharing ripe olives, forget about it.

As a result, I have adult children who wage war at holiday meals over the ripe olives. Two of them used to fight over frozen spinach. They are perfectly

normal in all other respects.

My spouse needs to step up his game or surrender, as I have seek and destroy experience he can only imagine. He will never discover where I hid the

Jolly Rancher fire sticks. On the other hand, his stash of Jujyfruits and Good and Plenty hiding behind the towels in the linen closet has reduced in

quantity significantly.