in Satire

St. Patrick’s Day

Once a year, we look forward to our colorful neighborhood St. Patrick’s Day parade. Everyone, including families with babies in strollers and older folk with canes and walkers turn out for this event. It’s a tad risqué, but no more so than an episode of The Bachelor.

Once a year, Ms. O’Crank offers her annual rant to the local news about the tradition not being family friendly and relocating it elsewhere. She is concerned that her children cannot attend because it may offend their sensibilities. Really?

Our neighborhood was home to bars and restaurants long before it became a trendy place to live. In fact, some of the older homes have cubbies that hid prohibition era booze. It is a bit of bohemia, Southern style.

The ‘hood offers easy access to every conceivable amenity within a five-minute jaunt. One can experience at least four different ethnic cuisines. There are three supermarkets, one of which specializes in organic. We have a florist, hairdresser, tanning salon, vitamin shop, any number of specialty shops, post office and office supply store.

You can buy alcohol of some sort on just about every block. And, there is a retail store that specializes in birth control supplies. For the more adventurous, within those same walls are “toys” that are not featured at Toys R US. After shopping you can venture next door to the rotisserie chicken place for take-out. Go figure.

I’ll bet Ms. O’Crank lives in one of those hideous McMansions that are sucking the grace and charm out of the area. I’d love to hear her explanations to her children as she drives them to school past the dildo shop. She would have to add fifteen minutes to her daily commute to avoid the liquor stores.

Ms. O’Crank should be the one to move. She can re-locate to the family friendly ‘burbs and enjoy the sound of her automobile sucking up $4.00 a gallon gas. She and the kiddos can catch up on re-runs of “Hee Haw”.

She can even sneak into town to watch next year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade incognito.