in Satire

Texans – One Size Doesn’t Fit All

Online bashing roars to life after Rick Perry’s press conferences. Comments from our neighbors to the north are especially vitriolic. They say Texans are ignorant, uncouth clods and Perry is a reflection of those qualities. They conclude had we been intelligent, we would not have elected such an individual.

The East Coast effete, with their implied sense of superiority, depict Texans as backwoods, ignorant, toothless hillbillies who dwell in shanties with a pit bull tied to a rusty pickup truck in the front yard. These pseudo intellectuals might be surprised to discover that southern women, like many of them, qualify for membership in the DAR and in fact many Texas women are members.

Californian’s comments range from mild, “while you might be able to get a job in Texas who would want to live there” to stating “executions as being a good thing as they serve to eliminate Texans”.

Comments from people in Illinois were generally more charitable. They referred to Texas as a cesspool and stopped short of saying its inhabitants are slobbering idiots.

With a few simple tweaks of history, Texas might have avoided some of the negative stereotyping.

• If the Bush dynasty, with their New England connections to European royalty had stayed in Massachusetts, New Englanders would have to explain Dubyah.

• Ted Cruz was born in Canada. If he’d stayed there then the Canadians would have to deal with him.

• If Rick Perry’s college career as a male cheerleader had been successful, he might have moved to New York and starred on Broadway.

The next time you read or tempted to write something negative about Texans, I hope you will reflect and count your blessings. We are doing the entire country a public service by dealing with the fallout from these casts of characters. Give thanks; it could have been your state.