in Satire

The Millennials Got it Right

Born too soon and most of the time a misfit in the workplace, I finally figured out——I am a millennial.

They did not exist during my tenure of the nine to five drills. If they had, I’d have become a charter member.

A physic told me I was born under a zodiac sign that gave me the ability to work with the insane. The problem with that was the employment God selected me to work FOR the insane. At the time, Dale Carnegie was the lone self-help guru. He didn’t address surviving bosses who practiced radioactive toxic management.

A recent article in the local news addressed toxic bosses and the stress they cause. Reflecting on my checkered employment history, I had a total of  two bosses (both female) who were outstanding leaders.

The writer’s examples of a toxic environment in the workplace were lame. Wish she’d have called me.

I survived:

• The real estate company whose owner made Leona Helmsley look like the Virgin Mary. Leona went to jail. The owner of the real estate company qualified for criminal misconduct, but escaped the slammer.

• The director at a major retail establishment with an off the chart case of OCD. She cursed and flew into a rage if her documents were not type set. The fact that Microsoft offered no such software eluded her comprehension.

• The attorney who wrote briefs on the back of envelopes. Adding machine tape had to be rewound to use the back side. (And no, this was not the Victorian era.)

• The ad executive who had body odor so vile it qualified for chemical warfare. Department meetings held in his office with the door closed constituted unreasonable restraint.

• I hit the jackpot with yet another real estate owner. He also had OCD so bad he required sedation to look at a spreadsheet.

Today there are seminars on how to work with millennials. They challenge the butt-in-chair mentality and draconian rules.  It’s about time someone challenged the workplace in corporate America. If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I am coming back as a millennial.