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Month: May 2011

Patrick, Perry and The Big Picture

A recent photo in the local news highlighted the ceremonial signing of Texas’ sonogram bill. The article stated Perry and lawmakers were “surrounded by cheering anti-abortion activitists”.

The cheering, unidentified female anti-abortion activists were hovering unidentified in the background of the photo. If they champion women as the beneficiaries of this legislation, shouldn’t they have been featured front and center? Could it be at some level they were not proud of supporting the frontier mentality that created this disaster?

Representative Sid Miller sported a big old white Stetson for the photo op. He must not have spent much time watching old western movies or he would have known the white hat is for heroes. This is not the old west and women do not require nor deserve the kind of protection meted out by his lack of progressive thinking. He is no hero.

Senator Dan Patrick appeared to be uninvolved. Perhaps he was pondering the antigroping bill he sponsored that would make intrusive TSA pat downs of genital areas a criminal offense. However, federal regulators forced him to withdraw the bill.

As the author of the sonogram legislation, I wonder which gender’s personal anatomy the good senator sought to protect. we can assume it is not female.

The senator is contemplating a run for the senate; Gov. Good Hair is thinking about running for President. Now that’s one scary picture.

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Email Crackpots

Why do people forward political emails, especially when they know your views are 360 degrees apart? Maybe they believe you’ll eventually cave if they assault you with enough propaganda. Or, maybe they believe this breaking news flash will push all your hot buttons and you will be converted.

A friend emailed a political video that tilted so far right it screamed fringe lunatic. When I checked out the site, a picture that was appallingly obscene appeared. The source for this innovative political commentary was a porn site! I ran my antivirus program twice, got antibacterial wipes for my keyboard, monitor, and Pepto for my nausea.

I kept a wary eye out for the internet police, thinking they might come to arrest me at any minute for visiting such a salacious site.

I choose to believe the friend innocently forwarded the video without checking the source. Nevertheless, I have a visual of this person sitting disheveled and bleary-eyed, looking at porn all day while dribbling Cheeto crumbs in the keyboard.

Another political email arrived with the subject line screaming “Government Gone Wild.” This timely message convinced me its sender’s credibility had also gone wild. A self-proclaimed financial guru had all the answers to government waste. When I googled him, I discovered he is a real estate shark from Florida accused of deceptive trade practices and a professional poker player.

People who want to “take back our country” are most often the originator of email of this type. I am scared to death of information grounded in porn and unethical real estate transactions.

I wish they would take back their email.

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Swimsuit Tight Spot

Summer is fast approaching. It is the most dreaded season of the year for those of us who are a bit fluffy and seasoned. To add to my dismay, I opened the morning news to discover a twelve year old, wearing a swimsuit, advertised in the Misses section of the store.

I think most women dread this time of year and the annual swimsuit purchase. Even my skinny friends manage to conjure up an eighth of an inch of cellulose that manages to triple in size in the dressing room mirror. Locating a suit that conceals a shape reminiscent of a ’57 Studebaker is next to impossible. Forget what you read about skirted suits; they conceal nothing. You look like a beach umbrella gone rogue. The high cut leg is touted as slimming. Wanna bet? They display more of the thighs you wanted to hide in the first place. A patterned midriff style does not conceal love handles. You look like a blob wearing your Aunt Gertie’s 1948 sofa throw.

Settling for a completely black number that covers most of the horrors, you proceed to the dressing room. Once you have stripped down to the point where you can try on the suit, you notice a warning posted on the dressing room wall….”These rooms are monitored.” Oh please God, say it isn’t so. A total stranger is watching everything you so desperately want to conceal. Someone is actually going to see you struggle, without a shoehorn, to get the blasted suit on and in place.Where oh where is the camera? Oh, it’s that little black glass do-hickey up in the ceiling where you can’t reach it or cover it with an item of clothing you just removed. I imagine someone in a cube in India bent double with laughter at my tortured attempts to wriggle into a new swimsuit. At least if you go to the beach or the pool you can hide under a huge beach towel until you are in the water.

Facing the horror of the swimsuit try on is an exercise in character development for women of a certain age. We are never going to look like that mal-nourished waif in the swimsuit advertisement.I’m hitting the pool as soon as the clock strikes midnight!

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Texas Women Silent

Where are all of our strong Texas women?

The era of feminine activist surely can’t be over or, are we so stricken by the sheer audacity of good old boys in the Texas Legislature that we are numb with horror.

I am currently reading “The Red Queen” by Philippa Gregory. Set in 1485 during the Henry VI reign in England, women were subjected to all kinds of physical and financial persecution during this era.

This wasn’t unusual at this time in history and I am thankful I did not live during this time. The recent legislation passed in the Texas legislature caused me to wonder if we are easing dangerously close to mimicking this type of mentality.

The sonogram bill that recently passed and Gov Bubba has promised to sign, is a red flag that women should be vigilant. Dynamic objection from elected women legislators has been absent in this session of the Texas Legislature.

Governor Perry plods on, sidestepping his arrogance and proudly announces he has sent letters to corporations in California to relocate to Texas for our great business climate.

I wonder if most of the gray matter taking up real estate between his ears is required to maintain his hair.

Can he possibly be so naive as to believe women everywhere are not aware of the mentality of Texas elected officials? I’ll bet his letters didn’t mention there has not been a modicum of government action to ensure Texas has an educated workforce to support business.

Texas women should unite to make sure Governor Good Hair and the boys have the opportunity to consider alternative career paths come election time.

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