Every family has at least one mischievous kid. Our roguish kid was so skillful in creating havoc and escaping severe punishment, his siblings were awestruck. He was born to defy social conventions.
He mastered the look of unassuming innocence. He had the cunning to negotiate lesser degrees of punishment for his infractions. This bit of cleverness created astonishment on our part and created discord among his lesser skilled siblings. Perhaps he would use his ability to become an outstanding defense attorney. On the other hand, those same skills would prove useful to a bank robber or Mafioso.
As a toddler, his most horrific deed was to relieve himself in his grandmother’s floor furnace grate. For some unfathomable reason, this feat delighted him immensely. He garnered tons of attention (none of it flattering) not to mention, rendering granny’s den unfit for visitation. His explanation of hurling new shoes in the lake was to see if they would float. Not only were his creative efforts lacking in social acceptability they were expensive.
Baby fish smuggled home in his coat pocket remained there to mummify. This science project created a horrendous smell and a full scale reconnaissance mission to determine the source. Not content to asphyxiate us, he moved on to burning the wax off paper cups on the bathroom heater. We consoled ourselves believing perhaps we had a budding scientist and he would win a Nobel Prize.
He was not mean spirited, did not pull the wings off butterflies, he simply chose to march to his own tune. In grade school, we were summoned to countless teacher conferences because he did not do well in-group projects. He did not require a group to start a coup d’ etat, he simply preferred doing his projects alone.
He did not pursue a life of crime or a career defending criminals. Dire warnings of “just wait till you have kids” fell on deaf ears as he chose to remain childless.
Karmic justice will never visit his door.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.