Our cat Sybil is beautiful. Other than being beautiful, she has no particular talent, or none she cares to share with us. She is content to spend most of her time grooming herself and looking down her nose at the humans who care for her. On occasion, she might stoop to give us a nudge with her chin and even a brief kitty kiss. If there is a plush throw thrown over our knees, she will deign to sit in our lap. Her fur must not under any circumstances touch human skin.
Sybil is a diva. She demands special canned cat food, served in a fancy dish. Her weekly food supply requires two huge shopping bags to schlep it home. She is eating so much; I am considering hiring her out as a Wal-Mart greeter. She’s so uppity, she’d blow the interview and I’m certain she would never greet “people of Walmart”.
If Sybil weren’t so lazy and self centered she could appear on YouTube. I know she is holding out just for spite. Some cats do amazing things and enjoy overnight success. I’ll bet some even have their own agent and a contract to do pet food commercials. Sybil is a diva. She considers any activity other than sleeping and eating beneath her. She does not mingle with the masses.
She has never displayed any interest in pet toys, even cute little squeaky mice. We thought maybe she was becoming bored and invested in some toys for her. Whoever coined the phrase “curious as a cat”, had not met Sybil. Not only was she not curious, she was downright disdainful of our entertainment selections for her. We briefly considered engaging a life coach for her, but the cost proved to be exorbitant.
She is especially fond of the leather sofa in the living room and languishes in its most comfortable spot. I know that, because it is formerly MY favorite place to sit. We thought cat videos might peak her interest and she would get the hint, that she too could be a star. She gave a huge yawn and turned her back to the television.
We have given up on Sybil finding gainful employment. One of us starts next week at Walmart and I hope my beloved enjoys his paper route.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.