Scientists have developed a nano-ear that is capable of listening to bacteria. This is not news. Women have known for years their spouses have nano-ears. My spouse can detect a ping in the glove box of our car driving in heavy traffic while an adjacent car stereo blasts Salsa. Nano-ears do not work indoors, especially when there is a request for domestic assistance.
You announce you’re on a diet. You make a huge point of telling hubby snack items are taboo and are not to cross the threshold. His next run to the store he returns laden with goodies. His nano-ear was off that day.
In a show of solidarity, hubby hides the stash of goodies. Most men are not very clever at hiding snack foods. In a moment of weakness, when you cannot fight the kettle chip demon another instant, you stealthily creep to his stash. His nano-ear, immune to his decibel bursting snoring has no problem hearing you snatch a chip.
Coordinating a trip to the mall is hopeless. He’s checking out the sporting goods and will not appear for hours. You are in designer wear and complete your mission in a flash. He is oblivious to the ringing cell phone perched in his shirt pocket, inches from his ear. He will eventually discover you in the food court in a Cinnabon sugar coma.
You are in the shower. Hubby is three rooms away, your cell phone dings delivering a text message. By some freak of nature, he hears, deduces this must be some earth shattering epistle and charges into your steamy sanctuary thrusting the phone through the mist.
He is surprised to find you dressed for an evening out while he is schlepping around in sweats. He did not hear you tell him you are having dinner with the irritating couple next door. He had no problem hearing the neighbor across the alley shout an invitation to a hockey game while a police helicopter was circling overhead.
Obviously the scientists who developed the nano-ear were men. It’s just another evil plot to aid them in their selective hearing. Now they can claim they were listening to the bacteria.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.