The Church Lady

The current flap regarding the President’s spiritual advisor reminded me how easy it is to offend everyone. My  post offended everyone in July 2010, and again in 2013.


A church lady in DC requested her donations be returned because the church she attends permitted a gay wedding. She defended her position citing biblical admonitions.

Bibliophiles gnash their teeth when the Old Testament has rules and the New Testament has loopholes.

Can you imagine God calling Moses into his office and saying, “Hey Mo, didn’t I tell you to leave out that controversial paragraph in Leviticus, because one day we might have to spin it?”

Demanding refunds could establish dangerous precedents. I foresee a church financial failure requiring a government bailout.

Members may cease to support their financial pledges if:

The Village People Sing the Processional (Too liberal)

The Church Contributes to the Homeless (They don’t work, why should they receive assistance?)

A Funeral Service is Held for a Fallen from the Flock ( A dead non-believer is a huge financial drag in lost revenue.)

The Pastor Does not Maintain Parity with the Members (He should keep a tally of the member’s contributions and adjust his time accordingly.)

Someone from a Different Denomination shares Communion (They don’t contribute. You don’t know what they believe, so why should they get to dip into the host.)

Someone Does not Wear Their Sacred Undergarments (Have an usher at the church entrance do a quick booty check. If someone forgets, they gotta ante up.)

The church lady in DC is working with an attorney to see if She can file retroactive claims.

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