These adages probably will not have profound repercussions on a universal basis, but as a lifelong southern woman, I’ve discovered them to be truthful more often than not.
- Mistaking a southern accent for ignorance can be dangerous to your checkbook and health.
- Kettle cooked potato chips are the ultimate snack.
- Tabasco sauce improves the taste of everything.
- People who refuse to eat grits are not to be trusted under any circumstances.
- Everyone likes bacon.
- Hairstyles that look good on Helen Mirren, only look good on Helen Mirren.
- The day after you have the carpet cleaned, the cat will barf a hairball.
- Only books written by Sarah Palin should be on the Dollar Store bookshelves.
- All automobile models look the same.
- Cotton tee shirts have less thread count each year, yet the price increases.
- The shoe I cannot live without is certain to be wildly expensive.
- Kevin Spacey and James Spader never appear in dull movies.
- My hair always looks great the day I have an appointment for a haircut.
- Most women who wear low rise jeans should not.
- My body part that has been aching for three months nonstop will be pain free the day of my doctor’s appointment .
- Your kids do not have a clue as to what really makes you tick.
- The cheap plants I purchase thrive; expensive ones do not.
- Blue eye shadow is tacky.
- Carbohydrates should be classified as a controlled substance.
- Let your freak flag fly.
- You don’t have to kick over the traces to create change; more often than not, a small nudge is sufficient.
- Being mean is a waste of time.
- The word “cute” applies only to puppies or kittens.
- Receiving an unsolicited wave from a stranger’s baby is the ultimate character endorsement.
Two items for consideration to be included in the list are:
The woman in the lingerie department at Macy’s is forbidden to retire until I decide to stop wearing underwear.
People who use a bazillion coupons will no longer be allowed to shop at my supermarket until after 9 pm.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.