I did not believe this past month could get weirder, but when a friend came home from work greeted by a colony of bats it occurred to me it might be time to start wearing garlic.
Imagine arriving home after a hectic day wanting nothing more than to put your feet up, enjoy the quiet and maybe an adult beverage only to discover interlopers of the creepiest kind luftwaffing throughout your home. The sighting of the critters prompted the family to speed to a hotel until their heart rates returned to normal.
There was the immediate issue of safety concerns to include the family getting rabies vaccinations. This would prove to be the least of my friend’s problems. At some point they would have to address the removal of the bats and their guano (poop).
Bats are a protected species. A consultation with bat experts revealed the critters have more rights than the homeowner. Persuading the bats to take up residency elsewhere was not an option. Bat exclusion is not permitted May through August as bats are on maternity leave. Mother Nature provides a family friendly work environment and a summer evacuation could cause the death of baby bats.
Texas women are resourceful. We have survived legislation (mostly guano) passed by batty politicians over the past eight years. My friend, a native Texas woman, is resilient. It would take more than a colony of bats hijacking her home to defeat her.
A satisfactory reconnaissance throughout her home resulted in an easing of hostile relations with the bats, followed by dètente. The bats could remain in confined quarters until time for their departure. The householders would return home and sleep with the lights on until the bats vacated.
The homeowners have no protection other than to duke it out with their insurance company for the payment for removal of bat guano, cleaning and disinfecting their habitat and repairing damages.
This has been a difficult experience for my friend, but the most difficult part was accepting that in Texas, women have fewer rights than a bat and that is no guano.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.