Some self appointed guru came up with a list of mid life crisis symptoms. “Crisis” as defined by Wikipedia is any event that is an unstable or dangerous situation affecting an individual, group, community, or whole society. The “expert” elected to use that limited definition of crisis to generate a list of symptoms of mid life crisis.

I believe the entire concept of a mid life crisis is junk science – pure bunk. To make matters worse, he left readers in the lurch when he failed to provide solutions for dealing with these symptoms.

After pondering the list of symptoms I have provided solutions, some a bit unorthodox, but hello; this is supposed to be a crisis.

1. Looking into the mirror and you no longer recognize yourself. If the image is sporting a uni brow it’s time to hit the spa.
   
2. Desiring to quit a good job.  “Job” is another word for “chore. I’ve never had a chore I wouldn’t ditch in a heartbeat.
   
3. Unexplained bouts of depression when doing tasks that used to make you happy. Ditch the ladies book club and go to a sleazy bar.
   
4. Changing or investigating new religions, churches or new age philosophy. Why not; Richard Gere did and he’s still hot.
   
5. It feels good to get hurt. Get thee to a shrink fast and put him on speed dial.
   
6. Wanting to run away from everything. Running away does not have to include a Thelma and Louise ending.
   
7. Irritability or unexpected anger. It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on.
   
8. Exploring new musical tastes. Really, that’s an indication of crisis?
   
9. Sudden desire to learn how to play an instrument. Unless it is an accordion or tuba why not?
   
10. Extreme changes to what you eat. Who says ice cream for breakfast is bad?
    
11. Excessively buying new clothes and taking more time to look good.  As the sands of time shift, looking good requires more time.
    
12. Hair changes. If hair changes indicate a symptom, women have been in crisis since leaving the womb.
    
13. Leaving (Mentally or physically) family or feeling trapped in current family relationships. My no fail three step solutions; lie, don’t answer the door, ignore the phone.
    
14. Doing things that get you into trouble when it surprises everyone as being out of character. Unless the trouble making activity is felonious, go for it. Surprising everyone by doing something out of character is fun. Besides we are the only ones who get to define our character.
    

Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect

Tagged as: body changes mid life crisis self help uni brow

JoAnn Williams

I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.