I’ve reconsidered my opposition to Thanksgiving becoming the prelude to Xmas Shopping. Until recently I believed shopping on Thanksgiving was tantamount to treason. After hearing from some of my friends, I’ve changed my mind.
As friends related their thanksgiving tales of woe it occurred to me Norman Rockwell would have apoplexy depicting some family thanksgiving celebrations today. Many household celebrations resemble a thinly veiled “South Park” episode.
One buddy indicated her sole function at a friend’s thanksgiving event was to run interference with the toxic mother-in-law. In addition to the mother-in-law, there is the issue of the narcissist spouse who is the seed of said toxic mother-in-law. There is not enough top shelf vodka in Dallas to induce me to join that cast of characters. My friend has timed her stent in hell down to the second. The feast is scheduled for 3 pm; the house of horrors hosts should be in a carb induced coma by 4 pm and she can make a break for the mall. She will do so under the guise of a once in a lifetime opportunity to practically steal something. The only thing she is going to steal is home plate; grateful to be back in her nest ALONE.
Another friend had received a phone call begging her to confirm she would be in attendance for a treasured friend’s annual thanksgiving freak show. It seems the bird de jour shares the stage with another turkey, the grandmother. Granny is a right wing nut job who fills the tot’s heads with visions of uprisings and other unsavory, not fit for mealtime subjects. Granny cannot resist Wal-Mart; it is her shopping nirvana. The plan is to tempt her with a one of a kind offering secure in the knowledge she will mount her broom and fly off to satisfy her crap from china Jones.
If shopping on Thanksgiving Day promotes good mental health and reduces family violence, I say bring it on.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.