Snowden may have been right about cyber spying. My email inbox is crammed with suggestions that range from How to Get Rid of Trapped Belly Fat to preventing dingy everything. How do they know my belly fat not only is trapped, it does not intend to vacate the premises. Lord knows I’ve sent it eviction notices for years but it refuses to leave.
Our wine glasses may be dingy, but I figure if you put enough alcohol in the glass by the time it is empty its consumer doesn’t care. Plan B is if I drink enough wine, then I don’t care and problem solved.
My issue is how does someone know about my perceived shortcomings? I don’t use my web cam, so no one can see my belly fat or dingy wine glasses.
I really got creeped out when I saw the email about sagging underarms from a plastic surgeon in LA. How did he know? Then there was the missive regarding crepey skin. (I wonder if the doc in LA would do a twofer.)
I am getting suspicious about my online shopping suggestions from the grocer. They seem to know when I am running out of items and bingo – I get an email. How do they know how much olive oil I use and when I need to purchase more?
There are emails that want a bazillion dollars for a subscription to their site so I can keep my brain active. My brain is active enough to recognize when a snake oil salesman is attempting to fleece it.
Almost daily I receive an email warning. Genetically modified food scares me, the other stuff does not. (I wonder if GMO’s are the reason I have belly fat, sagging underarms and crepey skin.)
I have unsubscribed to every newsletter I can think of, but they still come in waves, overloading my inbox, There is the pitch for must-have items for carry-on bags, policy updates from Paypal, propaganda to upgrade cable service.
I don’t require email suggestions as there are other options for discovering my imperfections. I was standing by the Halloween display at Home Depot waiting for my beloved. Some kid walked up, tugged on my shirt and asked his mother if they could buy the chubby witch.
I’m getting a haircut and emailing the plastic surgeon in LA.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.