Discovering My Authentic Self

I wrote this a couple of years ago. After reading several articles about discovering your authentic self, I am re-evaluating what is nice versus necessary.


Nice But Not Necessary

By Geralt on PixabayThe matriarch in a Nick Cassavetes movie had an unusual perspective about a failed relationship. Without blinking an eye she said the relationship would have been nice, but not necessary. The film ended on that hard nosed note and I can only surmise the matriarch was pleased with her point of view.

Perhaps Mr. Cassavetes intended a Jungian or Freudian interpretation of his work.  He may have envisioned lively post movie discussions about failed relationships. My thoughts did not flow in that direction.

In my universe nice and necessary have an entirely different meaning.

My Honda – necessary.  A Mercedes – nice.

Water – necessary. Potato vodka – nice. Had to struggle a bit with that one. (Well, maybe more than a bit)

Attire from Target – necessary. Donna Karan – nice.

Fish – necessary. Lobster – nice.

Skechers – necessary. Manolo Blahnik – nice.

Our condo – necessary. A high-rise penthouse in the arts district – nice.

After reading Living the Frugal Life and The Cheap Bastard’s Guide to Las Vegas, my list of what is necessary increased significantly.

Living the frugal life is a contradiction-in-terms. I have a  problem with the “living” and “life” part.



My coffee maker is a necessity.  It turns itself on, grinds the beans and is waiting for me every morning. I’ll bet even the Cheap Bastard doesn’t use ground coffee.

My electric mattress warmer is a necessity. In the winter it envelopes you in a soft cloud of gentle warmth.

Our cat is a necessity. The people who wrote Living the Frugal Life  probably don’t have a cat. Cats refuse to economize. You’ll never see a cat living frugally. If you attempt to downgrade the food, you risk becoming the cheap bastard who is ruining their life. You  may as well move to Las Vegas because you will get no more kitty kisses.

Blue Bell Ice cream is nice. Ben and Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk is a necessity.

Discovering my authentic self  was a disappointment and a challenge to my self esteem.  Even worse, the self-help section of the bookstore does not have a section on frugal, cheap bastard hedonist.


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