Ten Reasons to Ditch the Leggings


What is the shelf life for wearing leggings?

My informal focus group, consisting of two fellows and me, devised a helpful guide.

You should never wear leggings when:

  1. Your  camel toe morphed into a camel foot
  2. Your ass gave up the fight against gravity and slid down to your knees
  3. Your ass is MIA and all that remains are two bony protuberances
  4. Your ass is the size of a land rover.
  5. Strangers stop and ask if you are Ronald McDonald’s twin.
  6. Your thighs make sounds like the percussion section of The Boston Pops fourth of July concert when you walk
  7. Your legs look like centipedes
  8. Your legs look like fireplugs
  9. You voted in the Kennedy-Nixon election
  10. You don’t know that leather leggings are code for “dominatrix.”

The final assault on the senses is women who wear the short lacy tunics.  For a four-year-old’s  dance recital, they look adorable. For the rest of us; not so much unless you want to look like Lolita in drag.

Our group concluded females over twelve years of age need to wear the leggings under and not out.



  1. Well, you won’t get me to stop wearing leggings!!! I love the freedom of movement and the cozy caress of the leg warming. Despite (or more to the point – beause of) my greatly advanced age I find topping my black tights with “whatever” is a quick fix for chilly winter morning dressing. Leggings are “in” ’cause they take up little drawer space and don’t crowd the washing machine. So there! Juney


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