I’m going to adapt my hippie friend Lillith’s secret for maintaining serenity.
She refuses to get upset about situations that don’t involve her. Her position is “Not my monkey, not my circus”. As a lifelong Texan, I prefer the standard regional, “I don’t have a dog in that fight.”
We don’t have monkeys in Texas unless you count our elected officials in state government. Come to think of it, “dogs” may apply there as well.
Sometimes people behave so obnoxiously that I cannot bring myself to mutter “Bless your heart,” and move on.
I’m talking about people who forward emails claiming proof that climate change is a hoax. They fall into the same category with the nuts that send you links to The Right Wing Watch.
Then there are those idiots that drive behemoth SUV’s that take up two parking spaces and park on both sides of me at the mall.
At the top of the list are the two wannabe cowboys carrying a pistol and extra ammo strapped on their belt outside a restaurant in one of our art districts today.
Did I mention the woman who hogs the swimming lane at the gym when it’s crowded and won’t share?
The serenity prayer just doesn’t cut it when you’re dealing with jackasses like these.
Lillith suggests for fast and speedy relief send these types to the a$$#hole and idiot prayer list. Starting today I’m going to do just that, and if you think I’m going to tell you what the prayer says – guess again.
It is time for me to negotiate my internet service with our provider. This rarely ends well.
I am going to tell them that this is their opportunity to get off my a$$#hole and idiot prayer list.
Or maybe not – they may have a list too —
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.