Many of us are still adjusting from the recent election results. Sometimes it is better to lie. The temptation to be snarky at family holiday gatherings may be too hard to resist but do it.
First published December 2010. Here we are in 2017 and ______
It is Better to Lie
Lying makes holiday family gatherings stress proof. A big whopper is the best way to cement family relations. Just lie.
For instance; your favorite cousin just purchased a new sofa in time for the holiday gathering. It is so hideous, the store delivered it free of charge, after dark. It makes your eyes water to look at it. Wipe your eyes, smile, murmur “uuuummmmm” and head for the wassail bowl.
“We look forward to hearing about your good fortune every year,” masks your true feelings about the tacky, annual holiday newsletter. You’re also guaranteed future issues for amusement.
“No, you don’t need to graduate to the Plus size section.” (That ship sailed two Christmases ago)
“It’s only hair; it will grow; you have scissor shock.” (Is your stylist on crack?)
Resist asking permission to “re-gift”. You may as well say “your gift was icky and I am passing it onto some hapless soul whose fashion sense died in the seventies”.
“Your religious convictions reflect the attitude of the Spanish Inquisition,” is not something you should state and expect to remain in good standing. Think smart. Introduce the ecclesiastical zealot to the newest in-law and run like hell.
Don’t even think of uttering the “f” word when the resident extreme right-winger considers all who do not share their political views a Socialist. They most likely cannot spell Fascist. Another hit from the wassail bowl is an effective anesthesia.
I can’t be the only person to have discovered lying is effective. Feel free to send your favorite holiday lie. I may need it next year.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.