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Month: July 2017

Who Needs Protection? Not Texas Women

 There is no evidence Texas women and children need protection from the transgender population.

The so-called bathroom bills are nothing but veiled attempts to malign a segment of the population. Self-serving politicians who try to pass mean-spirited legislation are another matter.

Just last week a man showed up in the women’s shower at the gym.

It all began when someone heard a male voice whimper from one of the shower stalls, “Am I in the women’s locker room?”

Billie Sue, who is meaner than a snake hollered back, “Can’t you read? Of course, you are in the women’s locker room.”

Lillie Mae, in the adjacent shower, asked if he had his swim trunks in the shower with him. That’s when it got interesting. The man responded he did not have swim trunks; only a small towel.

Lillie Mae dislocated her hip trying to scramble for a better view. She’s always been man crazy.

Thelma Jean swaggered closer to his stall in her usual threatening stance and snarled,

 “You mean to tell me you swam buck naked or did you throw away your swimsuit on the way to the women’s locker room?”

It became clear that the man’s attempt for a stealth peek at women backfired and he was trapped.

Lucy who owns the Kut and Kurl Beauty Shop, hollered, “Do not let that man out of the stall until I’m dressed. My reputation will be ruined if it gets out I was trapped in the gym locker room with a naked man.”

Thelma Jean snarled back, “It wouldn’t be the first time you got caught in a room with a strange, naked man.”

By now, the man in the shower realized he was not fooling with helpless females. He began to consider the merits of staying in the stall until the gym closed and a janitor could rescue him.

Molly, who is the soul of kindness, assured the man he had nothing to fear. She said, “I’ll count to three and you can come out and run into the men’s locker room. We won’t look.”

Well, If Molly thought a bunch of hell-raising women were going to pass up checking out a naked man holed up in our locker room, she was nuts. I was sure as hell going to look.

As the man exited the shower stall with small towel strategically placed, a hastily formed line required that he run the gauntlet from the women’s locker room to the lobby entrance of the men’s locker room.

Sue Ellen said. “I don’t know what the entire flap was about. The UPS guy has a cuter butt.”

Does anyone doubt that Texas women can handle just about anything without help from the Texas legislature?

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Mary Margaret
Mary Margaret

Under the guise of protecting Texas women, the state legislature continues to invade the women’s restroom in 2017.  Here’s what Mary Margaret had to say about the flap in May 2016.

 

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A Small Town in Texas

I promised myself I’d never write about this, as it felt like a violation of an unspoken trust.

Current events caused me to change my mind.

It was a small Texas town back in the fifties, steeped in Southern Baptist religion and ruled by parents who survived the depression. The town culture was a schizophrenic tug of war of hard line religion, the beginnings of rock and roll and poodle skirts.

My sophomore year of high school began with a change that none of us could have imagined. One of our classmates ended the previous school year as Ronald (not the real name) and started the next as Ronnie. We never knew what the reason was; other than Ronald had a medical event that forced the family to make a decision that would affect the rest of his life. Ronald was popular, outgoing; a star athlete who would no longer participate in sports.

The first time Ronnie appeared in the girl’s locker room to change clothes for the gym was awkward and I imagine something akin to Hell for her. Teenagers can be brutal, but no one uttered one single unkind word to Ronnie. We all shared her pain for a situation she had to accept in such a public way. I’d like to believe even in our naïveté, we admired her courage.

Ronnie didn’t hide but she didn’t socialize much either. She graduated and went to college and enjoyed a successful career.

The female senator who authored the disgusting Texas bathroom bill is a fifth generation native, from a small town probably much like the one I where I grew up. The senator claims ancestral roots from the Texas War of Independence, which infers a strong independent woman with courage.

It’s too bad she didn’t know Ronnie. She could use a bit of her heart and a lot of her courage.

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How Trump is Transforming the Women’s Movement

One hundred and sixty-nine years ago, on July 19, 1848, Elizabeth Cady Stanton stood before an audience of two hundred women and read, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.”

She detailed a list of injustices imposed on women, and called on them to organize, protest, and petition for their rights.

After seventy-two years, on August 18, 1920, Congress ratified the nineteenth amendment guaranteeing women the right to vote.

For the past ten years, especially in my state, Texas, the political pendulum and passage of restrictive laws have swung to the far right at the expense of women’s rights. Texas school textbooks reflect this ideology and it concerned me that young women today may not know about the suffragist movement.

I needn’t have worried; the universe sent relief. The same machine that is hell bent on passing  laws designed to obliterate women’s rights, elected Donald J. Trump. An unintended consequence of DJT and gang’s blatant misogyny is women are paying attention.

If younger women did not know the hard won history of their rights, they certainly do now. What’s more, they are involved and protesting. They are masters of social media and can out twitter you-know-who.

Trump, according to recent polls, is the worst president in seventy years, but let’s be fair. His misogyny has served as the catalyst to fortify the women’s movement.

 

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If You Have a Big Butt Forget About Wearing White Jeans

The article said women with curvy figures did not have to look out of place in the summer wearing saggy baggy slacks. With a few tweaks, we could wear that summer staple — WHITE JEANS.

I gave up wearing white jeans eons ago, lest I am mistaken for a sailing armada. I took comfort by observing thus far I had avoided old lady ugly feet. I will admit I am vain about my feet. When they are spiffed up, I can wear flip-flops and get by with a meh.

But, thinketh me, oh to wear white jeans again — I’ll give it a shot.

I did all the research the article mentioned. I measured and wept and measured some more. Armed with new research, I trolled the internet for white jeans for curvy women. Most of the sites flat out lie as no female over ten years of age has the measurements that fit curvy women.

After hours of searching, I located the perfect pair; all the measurements jived. The inseam was on target. The jeans fit at the waist and best of all the back was high enough so you wouldn’t do moon shots when you bent over.

This was too good to be true, white jeans with my tricked out toes and I’d be ready for summer. I wouldn’t look like a nursing home reject. I could hang with the cool kids. I hit the PayPal account and looked forward to summer.

The package arrived and I jerked it out of the startled FedEx delivery guys hands so fast he got a huge paper cut and ran bleeding all the way back to his truck.

The first item on the jeans that appeared from the wrapping was the three-inch zipper in front. For the unenlightened, this is a huge red flag that the jeans barely cover somewhere around On My God. I set a record for overtaking a FedEx delivery truck to return the white jeans.

Father Time changes everything. If there was justice in the universe, time would be measured as Mother Time and white jeans would always favor curvy women.

 

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Fairy Tales Prove To Be Too Grim

Read fairy tales I thought. That should provide relief from reading about you-know-who.

I believed I would feel better.

I was wrong.

“Bluebeard”,   a wealthy and powerful man, is an ugly nobleman who has been married several times to beautiful women who have all vanished.

After hosting a banquet, he chooses the youngest daughter of his neighbor to be his wife.  She goes to live with him in his rich and luxurious palace in the countryside, away from her family. The similarities between Bluebeard and a current persona non grata are astounding.

This was depressing and I moved on to Hans Christian Anderson.  In “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, unscrupulous weavers promise the emperor a set of new clothes. The clothes are invisible to those who are unfit, stupid or incompetent. The Emperor refused to admit he couldn’t see the clothes and be judged unfit. The Emperor’s noblemen bowed, scraped, and declared the clothing magnificent.

This sounded too much like Trump’s recent cabinet meeting so I read no further.

The brothers Grimm wrote the “Town Musicians of Bremen,” in about 1853. A donkey, dog, cat, and chicken find themselves disenfranchised. They believe, united they can make a better life and set out for Bremen. On the way, they discover a cottage occupied by robbers. Peeping in the window, the animals see a table covered with good things and the robbers enjoying themselves. The animals force the robbers to abandon the cottage, move in and live happily ever after.

It occurred to me if this tale were written today, the ending would be quite different. The animals would have found themselves kicked to the curb and Donald, Ivanka, Jared and Steve occupying the cottage.

So much for fairy tales. I am going to binge-watch “Orange is the New Black.”

 

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