A No-count Day

No-count – a word southerners use to describe a person, who has a shortage of desirable qualities. A slur that is more politically correct than the other passive/aggressive phrase we are famous for and proud of.

No-count covers anything from good-for-nothing to shiftless to borderline dishonesty.

The phrase covers a multitude of sins. My grandmother used it to describe a family member she didn’t like, most often male. I can’t recall hearing her refer to a female as no-count.  She never elaborated on what manner of sins cast a person into the no-count category.

I expanded its usage to cover the days I don’t want to do ANYTHING, but read –  maybe nap and not answer the door. Considering my appearance on a no-count day, it’s probably best I don’t answer the door.

It’s Friday; a slow drizzling rain is falling; I don’t have to go anywhere. I think I hear a no-count day beckoning me.

After a long, hot morning shower, I tug on my saggy, baggy sweats and that is the extent of my personal grooming for the day

Best not to text me when I’m having a no-count day, I probably won’t respond. I don’t watch television; the listings are awful; they are no-count too.

Trashy food is a definite go. We stopped buying Cheetos because they remind us of you-know-who (another huge reason to dislike him.) My junk food of choice is demoted and I am stuck with pretzels.

Anyone who expects dinner would be well advised to hit home delivery for take-out. Home cooked meals rarely turn out to be appetizing on no-count days.

I’ve decided to forego watching the news today. No need to mess up a perfect no-count day.