The Latest Trend For Southern Women In Winter

I’ve seen more ugly the past four days than I would have believed is possible; most of it from my own reflection. I try to avoid mirrors as much as possible, but when winter weather strikes I cover them until spring.

This winter I was prepared.

No longer would I look like a salvation army reject as I put on my knee length white cable knit sweater, fleece lined leggings and knock off Uggs. Confident in my selection I prepared to leave the house until my spouse commented the garb made me look heavy.

I’m not skinny so no surprise there. After a quick look in the mirror, I was horrified. I looked like an overdressed fire-plug that had vomited fleece. It was awful and I hadn’t even put on my knit cap. On the best day I ever had, I am not hat/cap worthy. Frozen ears be damned.

It requires a special confidence to carry off bulky cable knit sweaters, leggings, and Sherpa-lined boots.  I am panache challenged. After all that effort, I decided to move forward. With sunglasses and a big scarf, I would be invisible under all that fleece.

A trip to the mall, confirmed others share this affliction; southern women turn tacky when the temperature hits below 30 degrees.  Most of us do not have freezing weather staples as part of our wardrobe, so we improvise.

The Devil does wear Prada in Dallas but not at the stores I frequent. (I did spot one fashionista wearing ankle-length mink.)

Originality was the order of the day. One creative woman wore combat boots with red Christmas elf socks peeking over the top. Her brown coat struck just below her knees revealing green sweatpants. A blue scarf rounded her neck up to her nostrils. The piece de resistance was a gold turban held in place by pink earmuffs.

She wielded her shopping cart through the supermarket with a take no prisoners attitude.

I hope I won’t have to wear my emergency winter garb again anytime soon, but if I do, I will be sure to add a big dose of attitude.

It makes all the difference if you resemble a fireplug.

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