The universe must have been having a bad day.
Or did Jupiter align with Mars? Is Mercury retrograde? Is there a blue moon?
It all began when we couldn’t stream the first episode of Bosch on our TV.
Comfy in our soft fuzzy baggy sweats, with martinis in hand, we looked forward to this season of Bosch, but Amazon went into hiding. The wifi refused to shake hands with the TV.
After many attempts to reconcile the two electronics, I gave up.
Note to self: electronic troubleshooting works best without the aid of adult beverage.
Reading in bed sounded like a good plan, so I asked Alexa to turn off the lights. She responded that she couldn’t connect to the wifi. To make certain, I repeated my request. She sounded a tad irritated and stopped short of telling me to turn off the effing lights myself.
Thank goodness my tablet had downloaded my book and I settled myself in bed to read.
The next morning an unseasonal cold front chilled the air, I sauntered over to check the Nest thermostat. It went rogue; joined the other electronics and refused to speak to the wifi. After an hour of fumbling around with a barely visible interface, the heat came on.
Our computers were on the internet, but still no smart TV. After several failed attempts to get our gadgets to cooperate, our service provider gave up and is sending a new modem.
My hunger pangs, exacerbated by the extra caffeine consumed troubleshooting, screamed for carbs.
It was time for pasta and meatballs. Meatballs simmered, waiting for the marinara sauce. I placed the battery operated can opener on the can of tomatoes and it refused to give up its death grip on the can. It would not budge to open the can.
The re-set button proved useless. My beloved attacked the traitor with screwdrivers, and hammer to no avail. The can of tomatoes and spiffy can opener are in the garbage.
A long hot, soothing shower to relieve my jangled nerves seemed like a good idea. stumbling down the hall, a towel draped hubby greeted me with the news, “there is no water.”
I washed my face and brushed my teeth using tonic water, hoping no one would visit before the plumber.
Not a minute too soon, dusk and vodka thirty arrived. On the way to the liquor cabinet, I spotted our newly purchased indoor plant, formerly lush with greenery, now standing naked as a deli rotisserie chicken.
I have an appointment for an aura cleansing, I ordered new chakra stones and I am burning sage to free the electronics from their negative chi.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.