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Month: October 2018

Senator Ted Cruz Can’t Read

Head in Hands

I finally figured out what Ted Cruz problem is; he can’t read.

As a concerned citizen and one of his constituents (a reluctant one), I wrote to him asking that he explain his stance on healthcare reform.

I  carefully phrased my questions and asked him to provide his solution to our healthcare dilemma.

He is more polite on paper than television. He apologized for not responding sooner as he was busy setting up offices in Washington and Texas. Self-promoting appearances all over the country influence his response time.

As I read his response, it became very clear; the poor man has a reading impediment.

None of his answers were to questions I asked.

Prior to his election to the Senate, he served as the solicitor general for Texas. How did he manage to serve that position with an obvious reading impediment?

I asked how a person with his stated religious convictions could consider repealing healthcare reform by denying coverage to millions of people who have preexisting conditions.

His response: “If Obama care is implemented, it will reduce the quality of healthcare; result in scarcity and rationing, and insert government bureaucrats between patients and their doctors.”

I was puzzled as his answer had absolutely no relationship to my question.

I asked if he was concerned that about twenty-four percent of Texas residents lack health insurance.

“Our nation’s first priority should be restoring economic growth, yet Obama care, called a “huge train wreck” by one of its chief architects, does precisely the opposite. Over the consistent objections of the American people, Obama care is driving up the cost of health insurance, causing employers to stop offering health coverage, and encouraging employers to stop hiring—even shifting more and more workers to part-time employment.”

By now, I was really convinced he had a problem. He is too old to be a product of the current Texas education system. The corporations that Texas is so proud of recruiting have been shifting workers to part-time for years. How can he not know that?

He concluded by saying, “I am honored to help lead the fight to protect Americans from the harmful consequences of Obama care.”

I am convinced he should enroll in some sort of remedial reading program and I’ll bet his health plan would cover it.

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Note: originally published September 2013. Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

 

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Federal Employee Performance Evaluations that Donald Trump would Fail

These quotes supposedly are taken from actual federal employee performance evaluations.

As I read them one federal employee came to mind.

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.

He has been working with glue too much.

He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he is the other one.

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection

If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

I have no idea of the source of the quotes. I was cleaning up my desk and the list floated to the top.

 

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Are Bushy Beards the New Fashion Craze for Men?

If bushy beards are the new fashion craze for young men, I’m relieved to be out of the loop.

When our neighbor, who considers himself a “Mad Men” ad exec type, appeared with a scraggy crumb catcher I thought perhaps he was dealing with a personal tragedy.  His beard wasn’t a suave George Clooney number—but more like an Amish farmer. He seemed happy enough but the beard grew and grew and grew until he resembled a derelict moonshiner

I began to see more and more men abandoning the attractive stubble in favor of full beards. I wondered if I had stumbled into an alternate universe or even worse, I was hallucinating; the beginning of a downward aging spiral. When television commercials featured men with beards it was confirmation; I’m just out of step with current trends.

My hairstylist said full beards are the new deal (for men; if you are a woman see your aesthetician.)

My younger self swore she would never badmouth current trends. It is the kiss of death; a sure sign a woman was approaching cronehood; the crabby old female relative that finds fault with everything. The woman everyone avoids except at Christmas when people are well fortified from the wassail bowl.

I think the bushy beards hideous. Even George Clooney would have a hard time pulling off that look.

My younger self was a bit self-righteous. I see cronehood looming closer and I am at peace with that knowledge.

 

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The Ugly Chair

The time had come to say “good-bye” to the ugly chair. His discomfort was painful to observe. This was a difficult moment and he was going to have to find some way to get through it. His separation anxiety  ratcheted to an all time high.

His favorite chair and ottoman were being replaced; banished forever. A huge hole remained in the space they had once occupied, taunting him with their absence.

Shopping for new companion pieces was going to be difficult for him, but I would be sensitive and patient to ease the transition. I would try to disguise my glee at the opportunity to replace the Buick sized duo. I would diplomatically steer him to current options that featured comfort as well as style.

As soon as we arrived at the furniture store, my beloved headed straight for the recliners and I found myself in the ninth level of chair shopping hell.

His eyes lit up when he spotted a huge, dark brown number with massive overstuffed arms. The gimongous power cord peering from underneath the chair was a huge clue this was not furniture Nate Berkus would embrace.

The salesperson, obviously suffering from too much caffeine, could scarcely conceal her glee at an opportunity to unload the ugly devil on someone who fit demographics most likely to appreciate its benefits.

The chair did everything but make frozen margaritas. It reclined backwards at the touch of a button. She practically swooned as she demonstrated the chair tilting upward and forward, depositing its sitter upright, feet on floor with little effort.

Hubby informed perky salesperson; he did not require mobility assistance and left the store in a huff.

I am grateful to the overly zealous salesperson. Thanks to her, we are now the owners of a new chair that features comfort as well as style without a power cord.

Note: originally published October 2011. The new chair is showing signs of distress. Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

 

 

 

 

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Excellent Questions For Those Who Voted For Trump

Disbelief, followed by incomprehension surface when I discover someone voted for Trump. Some relationships are strained, but continue.

Family gets a pass – sort of. You still love them, but wonder what serious lapse of reason gripped them in the voting booth.

The  adage, “Show me who your friends are and I’ ll tell you who you are,” is etched in my mind. I do not have the right to tell anyone who they are. The other side of this homily is  I am someone’s friend and this has the potential to cast a taint on him or her.

The Japanese proverb, “When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends,” is a bit kinder to those of us with strong opinions.

John Pavlovitz is a writer, pastor, ad activist. In the past four years his blog “Stuff That Needs To Be Said”  has reached a diverse worldwide audience. A 20-year veteran in the trenches of  a local church ministry, John is committed to equality, diversity, and justice—both inside and outside faith communities.

I discovered an article written by John  that addresses how many of us feel about friends and family who voted for Trump. It is beautifully written and I’d like to share it with you:



You can read the remainder of the article on John’s website.

The piece is unbiased, balanced, politically correct and I hope John will re-post it as it is as relevant today as when he published it in 2016.

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