When our old toaster refused to toast, we replaced it with a simpler model. All of those extra features often do not play well with each other. The new one was perfect for the two of us and during a test run, it toasted to perfection.
I combed through the box searching for the warranty information, or an operating manual but both were missing; not what I expected from a name brand manufacturer. Armed with the UPC code, and model number I went online to the company website.
Priding myself on my resourcefulness I located the warranty section. The form required personal information I don’t share with my doctor, but I knew it was useless to leave it blank. I did what any self-respecting woman would do and lied about my age, income, ethnicity and marital status.
The site punished me for my deception as the model number came up with the dreaded question marks and “no results,” when I plugged in the model number. The search instructions said to check the inside of the toaster’s plug if the model number did not appear. Placing a model number in the electrical plug is an original twist and a big clue that the manufacturer is reluctant to warranty the item.
We unplugged the toaster and discovered the numbers were so dim not even a bat could read them. After locating a flashlight and magnifying glass there was a mixture of numbers and letters. It was even worse than I thought as the numbers included the combination from the bowels of hell; the dreaded zero or is it a capital “O”, or a lower case”L” or a capital “i”. I punched in all of the combination of numbers which were quickly dismissed as unknown.
We purchased the toaster at a big box retail store; its origins should have been unquestionable. After too much time spent on the website, I concluded our toaster was the you-know-what at the manufacturer’s family reunion. It was their attempt to disown responsibility.
This is a liberal household; we do not judge. We are keeping the toaster.
Categories: Biased, Unbalanced and Politically Incorrect
I am a lifelong Southerner, short story author, and essayist. Home is Dallas, Texas.
My essays have appeared in Flash Fiction Magazine, The Dead Mule School of Southern Writing.