Pool People

Note: originally posted in August of 2011. Not much has changed.

Our homeowner’s pool is visited by a cast of colorful characters.

An impeccably groomed Miss Couture arrives poolside, deposits her accessories in a deck chair and tests the water with her perfectly pedicured toe. She begins her catwalk down the pool stairs and glides into the water. She is going to do nothing more strenuous than take up real estate in the pool.

Next arrives Unkempt Joe, hauling a beer cooler, boom box and a pool float with cubbies for his beverages. He hasn’t shaved in five days. The flies that accompany him indicate an absence of a bath for at least that long. His man boobs compete with the bay window hanging over his swim trunks for space in his raggedy suit. Thank God, he doesn’t own a Speedo. After turning on Leonard Skynard full blast he executes a decibel bursting belly flop and lands on his float. Miss Couture is not amused.

Miss Fitness Freak arrives with barbells, paddles, noodles and weights in tow. Slathered in sunscreen SPF 75 she proceeds to enter the middle of the pool after giving Miss Couture a look of disdain and a warning glare to Unkempt Joe, she begins her exercise routine. All she requires is space and non interference from pool mates.

Last to enter is Miss Socialize. She’s as perky as a poodle and talkative as a parrot. She is poised to greet  her next victim. Miss Couture unavailable to those who don’t meet her standard of fashion, avoids eye contact with Miss Socialize. Unkempt Joe is belly deep in “Sweet Home Alabama” and long-necks. Miss Fitness Freak is a whirling dervish of activity. Miss Socialize chatters away to anyone who hasn’t managed to escape.

Miss Fitness Freak is the first to depart the pool leaving behind an oil spill of sunscreen glaze. She is the picture of efficiency as she gathers up her equipment and makes a hasty retreat. She is followed by Miss Couture,  gives Unkempt Joe a withering, warning glance as she runs for the pool exit.

Miss Socialize who has managed to drown out Skynard has accomplished what no one heretofore has been able to. Unkempt Joe and his redneck accoutrements exit the pool.

Miss Socialize left to her own devices and ring around the pool as a parting gift from Unkempt Joe and SPF 75, notices the absence of fellow swimmers. Fellow poolies, having noted her arrival time, will make sure their paths do not cross again. I think she planned it that way.

Sharing water can be a challenge.

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