Maxwell The Cat

Observations from a tech savvy feline.

Maxwell the Cat and Shelter in Place

Maxwell surfing the net

I overheard the she-human tell the he-human the shelter in place was a good time to make some positive lifestyle changes; clean closets, do some organizing and change their diet.

After watching the evening news, she hid the bathroom tissue. I can no longer hang glide off the tissue spindle and streak through the house with bathroom tissue. Thank goodness she forgot about the paper towel dispenser in the kitchen. My ability to adapt will surprise her.

I didn’t have to wait long for her next project. I heard her tell the he-human it was time to reduce her collection of shampoos and keep the best one. Her first experiment left her looking like a reject from the Westminster Dog show. The he-human muttered something unintelligible as he hauled the mountain of spurned shampoos to the recycle bin.

When the she-human began discarding items from the kitchen pantry, I watched to make sure she didn’t throw out my treats. I’ll admit I have refused quite a few as they are not quite up to my exceptional standards, but if things get tight, I might be happy to have them.

The refrigerator was next on her list of a re-do. I overheard her tell the he-human her inner Julia Child kicked in. She sounded giddy as she rattled off a litany of new uses for some of the forgotten items. The he-human demonstrated great restraint as he tossed the olive and cocktail onion omelet down the disposer. His displeasure halted the refrigerator reorganization.

I am relieved that the she-human abandoned her lifestyle change and has settled down. She and I eat popcorn and watch old movies. Her expanding girth provides a nice place for my nap. The he-human, no longer suffering from mystery omelets, keeps all my motorized toys in tip-top shape.

Both humans are getting lots of exercise. Whenever the strange orange beast appears on television, they race to turn it off.

Maxwell the Cat Discovers White House Updates

The humans in my house are staying indoors.

I am irked; this limits the time I pole vault from the kitchen cabinets onto the dining table. Even worse, I am unable to perfect my system for body-slamming the cabinet where they store my treats.  I am afraid I will lose my ability to shred bathroom tissue as a surprise for them.

Maxwell surfing the net

Watching the birds and squirrels from the patio window is boring. If you’ve seen one squirrel, you’ve seen them all. That’s what I believed until the humans turned on the television.

I have concluded the orange creature I wrote about previously must be some sort of squirrel. Although he has the marks of a raccoon with white moons around his eyes, he behaves more like a squirrel.

The orange squirrel stands in front of a human with white hair who never smiles, but his head bobs up and down vigorously when the orange squirrel speaks. I hope he finds a cure for his malady soon. Constant head bobbing must be very painful.

The humans do not like it when the orange squirrel appears on television. One of them shouted at the orange squirrel about an action he ought to inflict upon himself,  and screamed for Alexa to turn off the television.

I will surf the net to see if I can find a definition for this action.

Maxwell The Cat Discovers The Stable Genius

My human is slow to discover all my talents. I find her laptop’s warmth irresistible and it is my home base. When she is not looking, I read her emails, check out social media and surf the net.

Maxwell

My recent visit to the web proved so alarming that I may require a generous portion of catnip before I go online again.

It all started when I stumbled across a video of this great orange creature. Had it not been for its horrible orange hue I would have sworn it was my long-lost uncle Cheshire. I wondered what had turned his pink and purple fur into this ghastly shade of indescribable horror. You can imagine my relief when I discovered Cheshire is alive and well.

The creature’s mane was arranged in such a manner that I thought perhaps it’s ruff had become dislocated. My, oh my, that would be a horrible situation for a feline to recover from. I was relieved to discover that my hero, Garfield, had not contracted some horrible malady.

One cannot escape DNA and curiosity drove me to see what else I could discover about this unusual specimen. It appears that the creature is quite vocal, and I thought perhaps it might be the bastard undesirable runt offspring of a Siamese litter. I quickly ruled that out as the mutterings were not up to the intellect or standards of that breed.

The poor creature tried to cover its unfortunate mane with a red object that had letters on it. The creature evidently has discovered quite a following of humans with the same disability. They stood behind the creature, in a show of solidarity, wearing the same red object.

This creature demands further investigation, but I will have to be careful. I noticed the other day when it appeared on television, my human swore and changed the channel.

%d bloggers like this: