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Category: Politics

Strictly biased, unbalanced and politically incorrect.

You Might As Well Be Happy

Mary Margaret first published this October 6, 2016. She struggles to be happy every day since the election. Trump’s tariffs increased the price of Mary Margaret’s top items on her food pyramid; tequila and avocados;

If the unthinkable occurs and Donald Trump wins the presidential election the dire predictions are depressing. Life under a Trump presidency makes my head hurt just to think about it.

I have fifteen plus years of experience in dealing with jackasses elected officials in Texas.
They set the gold standard in teaching women how to survive under the leadership of cretins.

I decided I might as well be happy and look on the bright side.

  • A Donald presidency could inspire Democratic legislators to create Pulitzer worthy oratory.
  • The lobbyist will kill off each other in their quest to prove the art of the deal with the Donald, er… President.
  • With no lobbyist to appease and screw up everyone’s lives, legislators can binge watch House of Card or Alpha House and prepare for the next election.
  • Republican legislators who denounced “the Donald” created a demand for a new business paradigm. 
  • Universities will offer courses in how to walk back public denunciations. Courses like How to Appear Business like and Hold Your Nose 101 or Filing for Bankruptcy can be Fun 102.
  • Get Motivated added Chris  Christie to their speakers’ circuit. He will address How to Purse Your Lips and Lie Through Your Teeth for his portion of the seminar.

The economy could improve.

  • The market for self-help and survivalist books will sell hot off the press.
  • Liquor sales will explode.
  • Medicare will cover hair transplants, orange hair dye, and tanning booth sessions for men.

In parting, here are a couple of stock market tips; invest in concrete; the price will skyrocket. Takes a lot of it to build walls.

Hoard white sheets now and sell them at a two hundred percent markup to hate mongers. 

Hey, don’t judge! This just makes me smart.

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Even Dogs Don’t Like Trump

Many of the past presidents had dogs. The Obama’s had Bo, Bush 2 had Barney and Bush 1’s Millie wrote a book. Who can forget LBJ’s beagles? Even that nasty Nixon had Checkers (the dog died before Nixon became President and was spared any association with Watergate.) The Kennedys dog, Pushinka was a gift from Premier Khrushchev.

Why the doesn’t the current occupant of the oval office have a dog? This is an American tradition.

The other curious thing is that no one ever writes about Trump enjoying quality time with his near and dear. You’d think Fox and Friends would be all over that. (Given his history, there may be a good reason for not publicizing those he considers near and dear.)

Aside from photos of him and a stony-faced Melania with clenched jaw and angry eyes, there is no hint of any sort of connection. You never read about Kennedy-type picnics and touch football games or photo ops like Obama with his girls at a bookstore.

Maybe his family doesn’t like him either. Could it be he is the male counterpart of “Mommy Dearest” or perhaps the Trump dynasty is more like the “Running with Scissors” family.

Unlike his predecessors, Trump does not have a dog.

One cannot say with any degree of certainty that Trump doesn’t like dogs; I’m betting dogs don’t like him.

If you want to know the true character of an individual, put a dog in the room with that person. Dogs have higher standards than many humans and refuse to have anything to do with flawed individuals. There is no greater endorsement of personal character than the devotion of a dog.

We have some clues about what Trump may have given Putin, but why did Putin not follow the tradition of Premier Khrushchev and present the Donald with a dog?

I wonder if anyone on Mueller’s investigative team has considered putting a dog in the room with Trump.

Mary Margaret

Written by Mary Margaret

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The Likability Factor is Male Imposed Criteria That Needs to Cease

Please explain to me how likability influences political choices. This question seems to arise only when it is a woman who is considering running for political office.

I wonder if a female version of Trump, who had the same personal behavior/history and competence, could garner the same measure of devotion by the MAGA crowd. I’m thinking probably not. (At the moment, aside from Roseanne Barr, I can’t think of a female public figure who shares the same qualities/abilities as Trump.)

Here we are in 2019, contemplating possible candidates for the 2020 presidential election and if the candidate is a woman, the first question posed “Is she likable?”

Why is the emphasis on being likable?  When a woman announces she is running for public office, the focus is not on qualifications and experience, but her likability.  In the last presidential election, Hillary Clinton, plagued by the likability factor, was savaged by her use of the word, “deplorable.” Judging from clips of Trump rallies, she was spot on. Even worse, Trump basked in the admiration of those who carried the banner for his low standards.

Would a female candidate for the supreme court who displayed the same angry, hysterical, red-faced, tearful temperament as Justice Kavanaugh, been confirmed? Not a chance.

We elected a male television personality, despite his record of a flawed value system and appalling personal behavior, and rejected a highly qualified woman because she was not considered “likable.”

If there is an experienced, qualified female candidate for the next presidential election, I hope the next journalist or television newscaster who utters the “L” word, has to ghostwrite Trump’s next book, “The Art of Screwing Over an Entire Country.

These are Mary Margaret’s thoughts

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A Moment of Clarity

Donald Trump gives no indication he is ever going to have a moment of clarity.

For most cartoon characters that defining moment arrives when an illuminated light bulb hovers about the head of the dufus de jour. However, Trump gives no indication he is ever going to “get it.”

My southern grandmother had a sure-fire remedy to enable dim-witted males, as she put it,  to “see the light.”

According to her even the dumbest, severally challenged would turn on a dime once their noggin felt the full force of a ten-inch cast iron skillet.

Grandmother graduated to a higher realm an eon ago, but I like to imagine her having a conversation with The Donald.

For instance, Donald’s statement, “I know words. I have the best words.” I imagine anyone making such an ignorant unfettered, stupid statement would become acquainted with the back of her skillet post-haste.

After that,  a moment of clarity provided by her cast iron skillet would halt Trump’s US withdrawal from the Paris Climate Agreement and he’d agree to let Neil deGrasse Tyson explain climate change to him.

I have no doubt my grandmother would be waiting for Donald’s return visit from Puerto Rico’s hurricane with a two-fold strike from her cast iron skillet. She would explain why the leader of the free country doesn’t throw paper towels at people who have lost everything.

If Trump’s tariff on steel created an increase in the price of cast iron skillets, that would prove to be his undoing.

Grandmother knew how to turn a phrase, or more accurately return a phrase. (I know this from personal experience.)  Donald’s schlocky phrase “lock her up” would return to haunt him and he’d find himself cooling his heels in the outdoor smokehouse with the other turkeys.

Thus far, no one has been able to reign in Trump. Perhaps there is a newly elected grandmother in Congress who will bring her cast iron skillet to Washington in January.

Mary Margaret
Mary Margaret

 

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Tomorrow Marks the End of Paid Political Lies

I’m beyond weary of paid political lies on television.

After making the most hideous, unfathomable bald-faced lie, the politician states their name and announces he/she approves the ad.

Mary Margaret
Mary Margaret

The fact that someone approves such a message is enough to cost my vote. (And yes, Ted Cruz, I am talking about you.)

Dan Patrick’s ad features him posing beside a vintage truck, wearing jeans whose pant rise reach his armpits and we are supposed to take him seriously? First of all, no self-respecting Texan would appear in those jeans.

Then there is the really, really bad hair dye job. (Maybe he has reason to fear public restrooms.) When he starts talking Texas values, most Texans probably switch the station, as soon as the Imodium kicks in.

Some voice-over actors must be desperate; I recognize the one who does the well-known ice cream commercial. I was surprised to hear him switch from the voice-over oozing nostalgia for ice cream and front porch swings to a message from the dark side.

That brings us to the truly desperate who underscore the reason they most likely will not win. Screaming family values while touting an unholy alliance does not remove the stench of the association. An endorsement from DJT is not unlike a smooch from a mafia crime boss.

I made three trips to the liquor store, purchased two dozen bags of hot and spicy Cheetos and a dozen bags of salt and vinegar potato chips.

I hope Texans vote Texas values and I don’t have to dip into the second bottle of vodka.

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Senator Ted Cruz Can’t Read

Head in Hands

I finally figured out what Ted Cruz problem is; he can’t read.

As a concerned citizen and one of his constituents (a reluctant one), I wrote to him asking that he explain his stance on healthcare reform.

I  carefully phrased my questions and asked him to provide his solution to our healthcare dilemma.

He is more polite on paper than television. He apologized for not responding sooner as he was busy setting up offices in Washington and Texas. Self-promoting appearances all over the country influence his response time.

As I read his response, it became very clear; the poor man has a reading impediment.

None of his answers were to questions I asked.

Prior to his election to the Senate, he served as the solicitor general for Texas. How did he manage to serve that position with an obvious reading impediment?

I asked how a person with his stated religious convictions could consider repealing healthcare reform by denying coverage to millions of people who have preexisting conditions.

His response: “If Obama care is implemented, it will reduce the quality of healthcare; result in scarcity and rationing, and insert government bureaucrats between patients and their doctors.”

I was puzzled as his answer had absolutely no relationship to my question.

I asked if he was concerned that about twenty-four percent of Texas residents lack health insurance.

“Our nation’s first priority should be restoring economic growth, yet Obama care, called a “huge train wreck” by one of its chief architects, does precisely the opposite. Over the consistent objections of the American people, Obama care is driving up the cost of health insurance, causing employers to stop offering health coverage, and encouraging employers to stop hiring—even shifting more and more workers to part-time employment.”

By now, I was really convinced he had a problem. He is too old to be a product of the current Texas education system. The corporations that Texas is so proud of recruiting have been shifting workers to part-time for years. How can he not know that?

He concluded by saying, “I am honored to help lead the fight to protect Americans from the harmful consequences of Obama care.”

I am convinced he should enroll in some sort of remedial reading program and I’ll bet his health plan would cover it.

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Note: originally published September 2013. Wash, rinse, repeat.

 

 

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Federal Employee Performance Evaluations that Donald Trump would Fail

These quotes supposedly are taken from actual federal employee performance evaluations.

As I read them one federal employee came to mind.

Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

I would not allow this employee to breed.

He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.

Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.

He has been working with glue too much.

He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he is the other one.

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection

If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.

If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

One neuron short of a synapse.

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.

The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

I have no idea of the source of the quotes. I was cleaning up my desk and the list floated to the top.

 

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Ted Cruz, The Name Most Texans Associate with Liar and Donald Trump

Mary Margaret
Mary Margaret

After this past Friday’s debate with Beto O’Rourke, Ted Cruz’s reputation as a liar remains unblemished.

Beto is Texan’s last chance to redeem ourselves and relinquish our title as a state filled with gun nuts and right-wing extremists.

I’ll give Cruz this; he is forgiving. After Trump called him “Lyin Ted” they patched things up and his new best bud is coming to Texas to save his bacon in the mid-terms.

Cruz’s other friend in low places, Danny Patrick, is joining Trump in the effort.

John Boehner, the former speaker described Cruz best. “Lucifer in the flesh. I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

In addition to serving in Congress since 2013 and escaping the miserable SOB tag, the contrast between Beto and Cruz couldn’t be more glaring.

Beto is the guy who would fend off the schoolyard bully – Cruz is the schoolyard bully.

Beto is a tall, handsome drink of water.

Cruz is like the short shot of laughing gas that doesn’t work when the dentist does a root canal. The mere sound of Cruz’s voice is enough to invoke fear and hysteria. He sounds like a wound-up tent preacher on helium.

Cruz is Grandpa on the Munsters – Beto is Bradley Cooper in anything.

Beto is Patrón Silver – Cruz is the craft tequila your crazy uncle Louie brewed in a shed in the woods.

Cruz is the guy your mama warned you about – Beto is the guy you’d trust to make your bank deposit for you .

I’ve tried to think of something positive to say about Cruz there  surely is something  he excels in.

Got it –  He is an accomplished, unabashed liar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Politicians, Body Language and Lies

Here’s what I said about body language, politicians and lies in September 2011.

The recent televised Republican presidential candidate debate did not reveal anything new or enlightening about any of the candidates. It was an opportunity to observe body language and the various contortions affected by the debaters as the evening of spin progressed.

Texans know from too many years of experience when Governor Perry is going to tell a whopper.

In his best televangelist move, he rocks forward on his toes, rolls his eyes and his mouth goes ballistic. His head bobbles around like a cheap carnival prize doll. If he happens to be seated during a Q & A, he squirms around in his seat like the guy in the TV commercial for Gas X. The makeover with the sleek coif cannot disguise his hand in the cookie jar expression. He looks like a trapped possum having an out-of-body experience. If it were someone other than Rick Perry, it would be painful to watch.

Michelle Bachmann’s hairdo is an indication of the daily dose of science fiction she is going to spew.

When her hair is flowing about her shoulders, she is going to invoke God and politicize his possible involvement in hurricanes and earthquakes. Perhaps she believes the almighty will intervene on her behalf and award her the Republican candidacy. When the flowing mane is fashioned in an upsweep similar to a Pentecost preacher’s wife; watch out! Women are going to be offended. We will be admonished to be submissive to our husbands. She needs to return to the land of Nod.

Newt Gingrich has been lying so long, he could pass a lie detector test fully anesthetized.

As the language of politicians doesn’t appear to change much, perhaps we would be well advised to observe how they speak and disregard what they say.

Here’s what changed in September 2018:

Michele Bachmann considered running for Al Franken’s seat in congress. She indicated God would let her know what to do.

The Image (shown above, and below in the embedded tweet) was captured and shared by Marissa Luna of Alliance for a Better Minnesota.)

Who knows? She’s not running.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then there’s Rick Perry who now heads oops.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Body language is a huge reveal. If you don’t believe me watch DJT next time he is telling a whopper.  With arms crossed over puffed out chest, eyes rolling around like a squirrel on crack; Donnie is telling a whopper.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Women in History Fall Behind in Texas Textbooks

Update: Here’s what Dana Milbank, of the  Washington Post, wrote about “the veil of ignorance.”

I wonder what qualifies someone to serve on the Texas Board of Education textbook committee?

Lineage dating back to Neanderthals must be a requirement. Is it any wonder the rest of the United States, and possibly the entire world, view Texans as low I.Q. mouth breathers?

It should come as no surprise that Texas high school students might be taught that Moses “informed the American Founding documents.”

The latest textbook committee peccadillo concerning the state’s social studies requirements was should the word “heroic”  be removed in describing the Alamo defenders.

Caused quite a flap; even a representative from the Texas Values group protested removal of the adjective stating, “In Texas, you don’t mess with the Alamo and you don’t mess with our Christian heritage,” The seven women who survived the battle of the Alamo didn’t pass muster for a mention in textbooks.

Christian heritage in Texas is rarely mentioned except when the legislature is in session and the state finds ways to restrict women’s rights.

Last week the state board of education voted to remove Hillary Clinton and Helen Keller from the history curriculum. The first woman in history to be nominated for President of the United States is not worthy of mention in history studies? Helen Keller, a role model for courage, is not worthy of mention?

Members of the Texas State Board of Education are elected and there are no term limits.

The seven women who currently serve on the fifteen-member board probably don’t know that seven women survived the battle of the Alamo.

I doubt it is mentioned anywhere in a history book.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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