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Category: Politics

Strictly biased, unbalanced and politically incorrect.

Southern Political Nuts

This past year provided some interesting observations, some of which make me wonder if the South is becoming a breeding ground for political nuts.

A Missouri bishop, charged with shielding an abusive priest, was found guilty of failing to report suspected child abuse. He received two years probation. The sentence was suspended and the bishop ordered to get training on reporting abuse.

Another Missourian, Todd Akin, tried to justify his opposition to abortion stating victims of legitimate rape rarely become pregnant as the female body has ways to “shut that whole thing down.”

I suppose this is a characteristic of female superiority, as it would appear the male anatomy is incapable of shutting down before committing legitimate rape. A female Democrat, Claire McCaskill, shut down Akin in his bid for the Senate.

Paul Broun, a United States representative for Georgia’s 10th district, remarked the theories of evolution are “lies straight from the pit of hell.” Broun is a medical doctor who sits on the House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology.

From Alabama, Honey Boo Boo defies description. Compared to the Boo Boo’s, Lynyrd Skynyrd is Downtown Abbey. Her exploitation is depressing and borders abuse.

Texans love their guns. Representative Louie Gohmert believes guns are the answer to preventing horrific mass shootings. Louie is a lawyer and former state district judge.

He put forth another theory that pregnant Middle Eastern women sent to the United States give birth to babies who are returned to their homeland to be raised as future terrorists.

It’s time to stop depicting Southerners and Texans in particular as bumpkins. We have been the butt of bad jokes and stereotypes for generations.

When an elected official makes an insane comment, I think the people who elected these buffoons into office should be willing to say, “My name is Billy Bob Nut. I voted for ________ and I approve of this message”.

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Larry, Moe and Curly – Alive and Well in Texas

Governor Perry stated that he believes prayer is an effective means of gun control and abstinence is an effective means of birth control. Where is the logic here? His firebrand rhetoric is so absent from reality he sounds like a scientologist on crack.

Lt. Governor David Dewhurst proposes training teachers to use guns to protect classrooms. Is it wise to arm teachers after supporting legislation that created unprecedented cuts to schools?

Our attorney general is running ads in New York urging gun owners to move to Texas.

These three clowns share more than the same hair stylist. Their swaggering bravado confirms that Texas holds the record as States led by the seriously delusional.

One state legislator has proposed impeachment proceedings against President Obama for gun control issues. Another wants to ban federal gun ban laws. The last session of the Legislature decriminalized catfish noodling and made it legal to shoot feral hogs from helicopters. I guess if you can catch a catfish with your bare hands, you deserve an assault rifle to shoot a pig from a helicopter.

There has been a steady decline in the condition of state parks over the past few years. Texas may have to close twenty of its ninety-five state parks due to lack of funds to maintain them. Texas boasts 625,000 acres of forests, prairies, mountains, deserts and beaches.

Texas ranks near the bottom in the US in high school graduation rates.
Texas is right up there with Mississippi as both states have a high percentage of hourly workers at or below minimum wage.
Texas has one of the highest rates of residents without health insurance, an estimated twenty-six percent.
The Texas Legislature thwarted Planned Parenthood’s ability to participate in the state’s revamped Women’s Health Program.

The Gov said he expects more anti-abortion laws during the 83rd, 2013 legislative session. Does this mean he has doubts about abstinence as birth control? Prayer and more anti abortion laws? Teachers packing heat? Relocating gun totin’ New Yorkers?

Really? Is that all ya got guys?

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A Woman Governor for Texas

A cerebrally challenged Texas governor and testosterone driven legislators have battered the rights of Texas women for twelve years. By the time election year 2014 arrives women in Texas will be lucky if we still have the right to vote. Gender parity is long overdue. It is time for a woman to lead the state of Texas as governor, supported by women legislators.
A female dominated state government might yield some interesting new legislation such as:
Prior to passing legislation regarding women’s reproductive rights, male legislators would be required to undergo an ultrasound prostate exam. As part of a job training program an inmate of the Texas Prison system would administer the test.
Prudent leaders would never propose tests of this nature without proper research and development. Gov Perry and the 82nd legislature would be required to serve as research subjects.
As part of a special community service program for teenagers Governor Perry would be required to teach abstinence for a term equal to his tenure as governor.
Billboards posted on all major thoroughfares promoting vasectomies would feature a Louie Gohmert look alike as a potential consequence of unprotected sex.
To reinforce current laws that prohibit age and sex bias in the workplace, only menopausal women would have the right to carry assault weapons.
A surcharge on strip clubs would be allocated to replace 73 million in funding from the Perry approved state budget that eliminated health services for disadvantaged women.
Residents from California lured to Texas under false pretenses would be given vouchers to return to their home state.
Texas Tea Party members of the legislature, who slashed funds from family planning clinics, would be required to provide babysitting services.
Texas women outclass men in problem solving abilities. A year is a long time for angry women to make plans………….
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Magic Undies and More Stuff You’re Not Supposed to Say

Received another dim-witted email from an individual who is “so angry he is sputtering to find the right words” over some fairy tale about Obama. His linguistic impairment is a minor inconvenience compared to the “sputtering” in his brain as it struggles to apply logic and reason. For anyone who might be interested, the following are good resources for fact checkers:

Snopes, Urban Legends, FactCheck,

One of my friends has a unique solution for dealing with folks who pass on brainless communications. Says she, “I have a dear friend whose politics are just dreadful. When he sends me this stuff, I just put him on the prayer list at church under the column “For Reasons Known Only to God”.

Any individual who believes their magic underwear protects them should also appear on someone’s prayer list under that same column. I never receive negative email regarding Mitt, so his magic undies must be working overtime.

Someone wrote the editor of our local news, implying she had God’s ear. She claimed God turned the hurricane toward New Orleans in order to spare the GOP convention. Is this known as the magic underwear affect? Another writer claimed God is angry at New Orleans and all its decadence and he is turning the storm there on the seventh anniversary of Katrina. Would be great if these folks who have a direct pipeline to God could do something about global warming, hunger and world peace.

The media and internet are full of over the top political rhetoric. Ann Romney’s speech about Mitt reminded me of the mother with the ugly baby. The poor mom will make awkward attempts to point out the baby’s other virtues, in the vain hope someone will overlook the obvious. Doesn’t work; the baby is still ugly.

Ms. Romney’s comment about taking care of five boys in a rainstorm and eating tuna casseroles was an uncreative attempt to pander to women. If she believes most women will empathize and relate to that experience, she needs to take her ugly baby and magic undies and go home.

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Politicans versus The Hatfields and McCoys

The bad behavior demonstrated by leaders in both parties has plummeted to an embarrassing low. It’s like watching the Hatfields and McCoys wearing better clothes. Poor old disgraced Nixon’s speech about Checkers is more believable than much of what we see today. A big ol’ swig of moonshine can’t take the sting out of some of their antics.

Romney’s constant changing position on the issues does little to dispel the notion there could be a mite bit of impairment in his noggin. His forced enthusiasm renders him a scary Christopher Walken look alike, after a bad meth experience.

Obama’s earnest countenance is becoming tiring. Negotiate, mediate and compromise are concepts unheard of by the current Republican congress. Obama needs to find his inner street fighter. Maybe he should channel Harry Truman. He would not have put up with this nonsense.

One can’t help but wonder what the situation would be today if Hillary were in the White House. She has demonstrated the ability to handle difficult situations. Fashion sense aside, she does not project lunacy. Nor do we get the impression she is a push over who will “make nice” when the situation dictates otherwise.

Corporations, who contribute big bucks to finance these debacles, bring a new dimension to the word “terrorist”. What’s even scarier is their underlying motivation to support certain candidates. Campaign reform did not reform. The foxes in the legislative henhouse were alive and well when that bag of legal loopholes passed.

The Republican national convention will be held in August and the Democrat’s in September. Maybe I’ll watch re-runs of the Hatfields and McCoys instead.

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Politicians, Body Language and Lies

The recent televised Republican presidential candidate debate did not reveal anything new or enlightening about any of the candidates. It was an opportunity to observe body language and the various contortions affected by the debaters as the evening of spin progressed.

Texans know from too many years of experience when Governor Perry is going to tell a whopper. In his best televangelist move, he rocks forward on his toes, rolls his eyes and his mouth goes ballistic. His head bobbles around like a cheap carnival prize doll. If he happens to be seated during a Q & A, he squirms around in his seat like the guy in the TV commercial for Gas X. The makeover with the sleek coif cannot disguise his hand in the cookie jar expression. He looks like a trapped possum having an out of body experience. If it were someone other than Rick Perry, it would be painful to watch.

Michelle Bachmann’s hair do is an indication of the daily dose of science fiction she is going to spew. When her hair is flowing about her shoulders, she is going to invoke God and politicize his possible involvement in hurricanes and earthquakes. Perhaps she believes the almighty will intervene on her behalf and award her the republican candidacy. When the flowing mane is fashioned in an up sweep similar to a Pentecost preacher’s wife; watch out! Women are going to be offended. We will be admonished to be submissive to our husbands. She needs to return to the land of Nod.

Newt Gingrich has been lying so long, he could pass a lie detector test fully anesthetized.

As the language of politicians doesn’t appear to change much, perhaps we would be well advised to observe how they speak and disregard what they say.

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Rick Perry’s Heart

There is a country/western song that says “God is great, beer is good and people are crazy.” That’s as good an explanation as any for Rick Perry being elected twice to serve as governor of Texas.

He does little to contradict the image of Texans as varmint shooting, beer swilling rednecks. His “Texas twang” becomes more pronounced with each televised appearance. He must have channeled Robert Tilton for his day of prayer performance.

Wearing cowboy boots with a tuxedo  screams “hick”.  Most men in Texas who wear cowboy boots have never been cheerleaders.

“He feels in heart, this is what he is supposed to be doing.” Perhaps Perry needs stem cell therapy for his cerebellum. His lack of brain activity has long been a source of amazement and frankly, no one really gives a darn about what he feels in his heart.

He is a hypocrite of the first order as evidenced by his proposed amendment in 1989 to the Texas constitution that called for “the automatic resignation from office of certain public officials seeking other elective office.”

The kicker to that proposal was, the resignation would have to occur within the first 180 days  of holding public office. Having dodged that that requirement, he can continue to serve as governor of Texas and run for President. Nothing of value has happened under his watch. Texas’ constitution mandated a balanced budget, not Rick Perry.

Now that he has screwed up the state education system and healthcare for women, Tricky Ricky is following the time honored practice of seagull politics otherwise known as the dump and run. As much as Texans would be delighted to be rid of yet another political Doofus, we would gladly suffer through the remainder of his term as Governor, if we could be assured he would retire from politics altogether.

London odds makers are giving Perry decent odds to win the Republican nomination as their candidate for President.

If the Brits like him so much, maybe he should move to London. Wouldn’t that be loverly?

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Life in the USA under a Perry Presidency

Wonder what it might be like to live in the USA if Perry beat snowball in Hell odds and was elected President?

He’d have an all-male cabinet along with some right-wing nut like Bill O’Reilly as vice president, a pharmaceutical lobbyist for chief of staff and a hairstylist on call 24/7. Government contracts awarded to the biggest campaign contributors.

Healthcare would be provided via WebMD.

Perry stated abstinence works. He could prohibit birth control devices with an executive order. When black-market contraceptives failed women could give birth at the local fire station.

After being vaccinated for HPV teenage females would undergo a sonogram to ensure it had been done.

Perry’s own poor academic record was the basis for assigning a low priority to education in Texas.

Public education would cease in the sixth grade with textbook material approval by Pres. Perry. As a result of a lack of support for education, low-wage jobs would be the norm.

As a  standard pre-employment test the ability to articulate “would you like fries with that,”  ensures unemployment falls to an acceptable level. Failing that, a career as a tent revival preacher might prevent homelessness.

National parks without funding would evaporate into ghost towns. US borders would close to international travelers and Americans would be required to pack heat and wear cowboy boots. Fox network would be the only source of national and world news.

The Urban Dictionary states, “labeling someone a turd in the punch bowl is most appropriate when the individual’s deleterious influence goes beyond mere faux pas or nuisance behaviors and rises to the level of deliberate offense for its own sake.”

Based on his leadership as Governor, Perry has satisfied the first requirement of the aforementioned label and requires only the punchbowl.

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I Got Good Hair, Pack Heat and I Wanna Be Yor President

The Republican Governor’s leadership conference in New Orleans should leave no doubt as to the quality of its leadership. It was a shameless demonstration of buffoonery. Naturally Texas Rick Perry was present front and center.

Now that he has screwed up our state he wants to move on and lead the nation that he wanted to secede from. The thought of Gov Perry leaving Texas would be music to my ears if he’d move to Pakistan. The possibility of him winning the presidency is frightening, but it could happen – remember W?

• Perry vetoed legislation in Texas that would ban all drivers texting while driving, stating “he views it as a government effort to micromanage the behavior of adults.”

• Perry had no misgivings about micromanaging female adults when he supported the invasive sonogram bill. This is the equivalent of peeing on our leg and telling us it’s raining.

• He is a glaring example of why there should be separation of church and state. How can you wave the bible and then oppose programs that benefit underprivileged children?

His rhetoric flip flops faster than a catfish out of water. If it proved to be politically expedient he’d do a photo op with mixed race homosexual couples in front of a Planned Parenthood clinic.

He is the male equivalent of Sarah Palin. Good hair and packing heat are not qualifications for intelligent leadership. Unfortunately fruit flies multiply rapidly, and as preposterous as it seems, he might just pull it off.

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Patrick, Perry and The Big Picture

A recent photo in the local news highlighted the ceremonial signing of Texas’ sonogram bill. The article stated Perry and lawmakers were “surrounded by cheering anti-abortion activitists”.

The cheering, unidentified female anti-abortion activists were hovering unidentified in the background of the photo. If they champion women as the beneficiaries of this legislation, shouldn’t they have been featured front and center? Could it be at some level they were not proud of supporting the frontier mentality that created this disaster?

Representative Sid Miller sported a big old white Stetson for the photo op. He must not have spent much time watching old western movies or he would have known the white hat is for heroes. This is not the old west and women do not require nor deserve the kind of protection meted out by his lack of progressive thinking. He is no hero.

Senator Dan Patrick appeared to be uninvolved. Perhaps he was pondering the antigroping bill he sponsored that would make intrusive TSA pat downs of genital areas a criminal offense. However, federal regulators forced him to withdraw the bill.

As the author of the sonogram legislation, I wonder which gender’s personal anatomy the good senator sought to protect. we can assume it is not female.

The senator is contemplating a run for the senate; Gov. Good Hair is thinking about running for President. Now that’s one scary picture.

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