These quotes supposedly are taken from actual federal employee performance evaluations.
As I read them one federal employee came to mind.
Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
I would not allow this employee to breed.
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.
He has been working with glue too much.
He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he is the other one.
A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection
If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you would get change.
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
One neuron short of a synapse.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
I have no idea of the source of the quotes. I was cleaning up my desk and the list floated to the top.