Blue Plate Mayo

Last week on my trek to purchase groceries, I could not locate the Blue Plate mayo. My heart sank. This was worse than giving up cigarettes. I actually panicked. I eased my knobby knees to the lower shelf to paw among the goods. What a relief. There it was, tucked behind several other brands.

I grew up in a household that did not use mayonnaise. Our family used Miracle Stuff, which is akin to glue according to my taste buds. My grandmother introduced me to the joy of Blue Plate mayonnaise. Her culinary skills could morph Blue Plate into hollandaise sauce, dressing for potato salad and sandwiches. Once you’ve tasted Blue Plate you’re an addict for life.

Wouldn’t you know the Yankee I married preferred Miracle Stuff. I discovered he used ketchup on ham and hot dogs. This insult to hot dogs was compounded by the addition of sweet relish. No self-respecting southerner uses anything but mustard on ham. We know ketchup belongs on meatloaf and French fries, but not ham. Sweet relish and ketchup on a hotdog is heresy.

Blue Plate was not widely available where we lived, so I plodded along for years using the other mayo along with Miracle Stuff until on a visit to Biloxi, Miss I rediscovered Blue Plate. Appearing in big bold letters on the menu “made with Blue Plate Mayonnaise”. It was Nirvana. Tasted just as good as I remembered and I gained ten pounds.

Once you have had Blue Plate, nothing else will do. To the other addict who hid the Blue Plate: I thank you for not buying the last jar, but in the spirit of sharing hid it instead.

Mea Culpa – Maybe

For the second time in less than six months, the Mafioso red-light camera installed at a major thoroughfare nailed me. I could appeal the fine, but that really isn’t cost effective. This is legal extortion.

The city mails your citation that provides a website for you to watch the video of your offense. The video would support my claim that the light changed, as I was one fourth through my right hand turn. My options were to pass safely through a changing yellow light on a right hand turn or risk being rammed by the three other vehicles behind me.

These drivers turned on the light that turned red immediately after my right turn. One of the cars sported a popular and highly regarded auto insurance logo plastered all over the car. I’m not saying which auto insurance company, but its spokesperson is female, with big red lips and snappy banter.

The argument is the cameras are beneficial and free law enforcement officers to monitor locations that are more dangerous.

If so, why are they never around to see people running red lights at four way intersections? Why don’t they see people turning right or left from the center lane? Try finding an officer when some idiot eases over into my lane while talking on the cell phone.

I might feel better if the ticket proceeds were used to maintain streets in the neighborhood where the traffic camera is located. That isn’t happening in my neighborhood. There is a crater at the end of my street that would hold a SUV…….or a traffic camera.

Mea Culpa? Maybe