donald trump

It’s All a Bad Dream

I feel so much better! The Trump presidency is a bad dream; there is no Donald Trump.

It’s Alec Baldwin! Any day now, we can look forward to hearing, “Live from New York. It’s Saturday Night; the Trump presidency hasĀ  been a huge gag.”

I first became suspicious when I watched Trump read his entire speech announcing the withdrawal from the Paris accord.

We all know Donald watches television but does not, and for all we know, cannot read. A seasoned actor like Baldwin reads a lot. A dead giveaway.

My curiosity peaked when I noticed during one interview Donald’s red tie did not reach his knees. Baldwin goofed big time with this one. The Donald’s ties drag his knees. Baldwin is a sharp dresser.

I watched Donald Trump (wink) as he announced his fire and fury warning to NK. Look at the video and you will see his hands tucked under the arms. Very clever of Alec Baldwin to hide the hands; but no go. Everyone knows Donald has tiny little hands.

The decisive factor was the hair. A press conference video revealed The Donald with a picture perfect dyed orange comb over. A recent shot of Trump on the golf course indicated a widening part the size of a tennis ball.

The anticipation of waiting for the real president to show up is mounting. I wonder who she or he might be?

Alec Baldwin is not returning my phone calls.

 

Thanksgiving Turkey Trumped by Trump

Some unfortunate people got a whopping case of indigestion when a family member ruined thanksgiving by announcing they are supporting Donald Trump. What a low blow to discover you may share DNA with wolves.

You can laugh off your drunk, hillbilly uncle sprawled in a lawn chair, swilling beer in your driveway.

Aunt Lucy’s hellfire rant targeting you as the intended subject is old news.

It’s a given that Aunt Sally’s green bean casserole causes nuclear grade heartburn, but there isn’t an acid reducer known to man strong enough to quell Trump reflux.

Prevent your next family holiday catastrophe. Vet your relatives to determine their political persuasionĀ before inviting them.

Should someone escape scrutiny and you find yourself hosting a Trump supporter you can deploy your own shock therapy.

Here are my suggestions:

In a loud voice, ask your mother if you are adopted.

Call your Muslim friends and invite them over for dessert.

Pass the hat for donations to the undocumented workers retirement fund.

Announce according to Ancestry.com, your grandfather was bi-racial. (Effective for any ethnicity).

Serve after dinner coffee in your “Feel the Bern” mugs.

Announce your neighborhood is a gun free zone.

Say you heard on Fox News that Donald was born in Kenya.

You won’t change political affiliations, but your participation in family events will be minimal until well past the 2016 election.

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