Joe Biden

When is Too old Too Old?

Options to protest unfair and inaccurate perceptions regarding aging are fruitless and most of the time only serve to reinforce the offender’s position.

I am eighty, therefore qualified to address aging from that perspective. Older people have been around a long time. We know and can name the three branches of government. World history, American history, civics, and social science were required subjects when we attended high school.

Contrary to popular belief, we are more tolerant. We know many issues are gray; we understand nuances.

Eighty-year olds are informed and engaged. We use our electronic devices to remain informed. We do not use smartphones at the dinner table. We are fully engaged when we are with other people and don’t keep one eye on the phone, afraid we might miss new tweets.

Eighty is the age when you say to yourself, “Ahhh, I am free to say and do and say what I damn well please.”

Why would Bernie or Joe want to deny themselves that pleasure? As President, how would you ever keep it a secret that you ate leftover pizza for breakfast, or spent the day reading, pursuing a hobby or binging on Netflix?

Imagine being awakened from a sound sleep and having to make a critical decision without at least three cups of coffee. I don’t want to even look at another human before one in the afternoon. Can you imagine having to deal with someone like Ted Cruz before vodka thirty?

The other issue is attire. It’s an unfortunate fact, but older men have more restrictive body issues. Taxpayers would have to cough up extra dollars for custom tailoring slacks to accommodate the disappearing male booty.

An eighty-year-old chassis requires a lot of exercise and maintenance to stay healthy. That translates to more doctor appointments and more time in the gym.

Knocking eighty is too old to keep up with the demands of the presidency. Bernie and Joe’s experience in government and life are valuable assets. A better option would be cabinet positions.

I’ll bet Elizabeth would find a plan for that.

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